- Good morning. Can you hear me? All right, so being tied to a microphone is going to be a little bit
- different for me. But thank you for staying for this session. My name is Robin Donaldson, and I am the
- Chief Impact Officer at Indiana Youth Service Association.
- We are a statewide association that provides state funding for our Youth Service Bureaus across the
- state, Safe Place. We have an Indiana Trafficking Victims Assistance Program. We do youth development,
- youth worker development through our CYC credentialing as well as the Journey. We do lots of different
- things. I have been there for 12 years and going on
- It will be 13 in June. That will mark the longest I've been at a single place in my career. The second
- longest actually was YSB of Monroe County. I was there for 12 and a half years. I left there to go to
- National Safe Place and then came back home mostly because I wanted to focus on the work of Indiana
- and my youngest was 12.
- His third oldest, yeah, third oldest, he was getting ready to move out of the house and I thought 12
- was too young to be home by himself and it was time for me to move back, well, I never left Indiana,
- but work back in Indiana. So I've been doing this for a little while.
- I do have a doctorate degree in industrial and organizational psychology. I have a background in counseling
- and social psychology. This has been my career. Youth work has been my career for over 30 years
- professionally. And if you count raising children, almost 40, because my oldest will be 40 in July.
- So we are gonna talk about brain-based strategies for regulation and connection. When I was at IYSA,
- I'm sorry, at the YSB, I became very, very interested in neuroscience. It was about the time that my
- oldest was getting ready to enter adolescence. I was working with adolescents all of the time, and I
- went to a conference called Learning and the Brain in Boston, and it was like,
- the skies opened and you heard the hallelujahs because that just kind of explained everything in terms
- of youth behavior. And so really kind of pursued this because it makes a difference. I came back, I
- taught this to our staff at the YSB and really saw a change in how our youth workers were interacting
- with young people. So have since kind of just really dived into the neuroscience. I have a graduate
- certification in applied neuroscience, it just makes sense. And this is the thing that makes me happy.
- This is what I get energized talking about.
- Probably when I get done, my cheeks are going to be red because I get all excited about this. And I
- hope to make you excited about this as well. My goal is that you leave with some really practical strategies
- that you can use in order to engage with young people. So I do have some very specific objections. So
- if you see this, we're going to do a very brief review of stress and trauma and adverse childhood experiences.
- I want to talk about the neuroscience of the stress response because I think that a lot of times kids,
- or even adults, when they are in crisis and they are responding out of crisis, we can label those behaviors
- as problematic when really they are a stress behavior. So I want to spend some time talking about that
- and then just really look at how we can engage the
- appropriate parts of the brain when someone is in crisis so that we can help them calm down so we can
- calm down ourselves, because everything I'm going to talk about will apply to us as well, and then how
- we can engage and then activate the thinking part of the brain once people are safe and once people
- are calm. Now, this is a two-hour session, normally. I have an hour and 15 minutes.
- So we're gonna tax my superhuman, or my superpower, which is being able to talk in the given time that
- I have. Man, we're gonna tax that one today. All right, so I'm gonna talk really fast. I wanna leave
- some time for question and answers. So if you have something, write it down. Hold that so that if you
- have a question, we can answer that at the end. But we're gonna go ahead and just jump right in. And
- we're gonna... Oh, oh, wait a minute. There's an announcement.
- Before she jumps in real quick, the papers that we passed around, those are the session evaluation forms.
- The evaluation form that is in your program is for the day overall. So at the end of the session, we
- will ask that you please fill out the session evaluation form and give them to your room host, which
- is Ruth over there. If you have anything that you need during the session, please feel free to flag
- down Ruth or myself. I'll be sitting here at the front. She'll be kind of over here to the side. And
- thank you so much. Sorry about that. All right. All right. Evaluations, very important.
- All right, so we'll just start with a very brief overview of stress, which is really anything that taxes
- your ability to cope. And there are good types of stress and there are negative types of stress. Good
- types of stress is called estrus.
- And typically speaking, we need a little bit of that in order to perform to our best ability. So it
- kind of works on that upside down curve, right? And a little bit of stress. You get up here and it's
- good. It means that you're focused. It means that you're kind of energized and ready to go. You're ready
- to kind of marshal all of your abilities to meet the challenge, whatever that challenge is. But once
- we get to the top and it starts to go down, that's too much. And that's where we enter distress.
- This is when the stress is going to interfere with our ability to behave, to cope, and to perform. So
- there is good stress. Good stress is what I experienced right before I got up here.
- And I was like, just a little bit nervous. I've done this thing a million times. But it's really important
- for me that you get something positive out of that so that it's like, OK, let's go. We've got to get
- ready for that. And then, of course, where we often are engaging with folks is when the stress is too
- much and it is actually distress. We know that trauma is prevalent.
- Adverse childhood experiences, are you, is everyone familiar with the adverse childhood experiences
- study? Okay good, I hate when I go to something like this and I don't see a lot of hands.
- But this early study has been replicated. So it was first done in the late 1990s. It has been replicated
- almost every year since and in multiple countries. And the research is very, very consistent. So anywhere
- from 61% to 67% of the population has at least one stressor. Those 10 that are very, very common, so
- the five types of abuse, whether it's physical,
- or sexual or emotional abuse or physical or emotional neglect, and then the household dysfunctions,
- those are pretty common. 67, around 67% have at least one, and when you have one, 87% of the time, there
- is a second one.
- So we're dealing with folks who have histories of stress and trauma. And this is important because it
- changes the way the brain functions. It actually changes the way the brain develops, especially if this
- happens before the age of five. We know that it has lifelong impacts. And so it will increase
- the individuals. It has a chance to, because I want to say this,
- Adverse childhood experiences increases your likelihood to develop social disorders. It increases your
- likelihood to develop health disorders such as cancer and heart disease, but it's not written in stone.
- What's super interesting to me, you'll hear a lot of things that are super interesting to me, especially
- as we talk about the neuroscience, is that in the field of social work,
- In the field where we're actually helping others and working with children, we as a field experience
- higher percentages of adverse childhood experiences. So it's actually higher than what the normal population
- is, but what is the good news is that we also experience higher percentages of resilience.
- and resilience can offset those negative impacts of trauma. And so that's why I like to focus on that
- resilience piece. I want you to understand the neuroscience behind this because it really does explain
- behavior. But we're gonna really kind of focus on those strategies that will help bring folks down and
- give them the safety and the connections that they need to actually learn and grow. All right, so this
- is my favorite slide ever.
- I want to make sure I don't spend too much time on this, but I will spend a little bit of time, because
- I think it's really important, like I mentioned before, when someone is in stress, when they're in crisis,
- there is a specific way that they behave. And that is that stress response. We have a tendency to behave
- one way or the other. Now, for a lot of us who have, you know, we have good coping skills, if we had
- good parenting where,
- Our parent was consistent and appropriate in meeting our needs. We had the ability to get upset, but
- then calm back down. And where we learn.
- where we connect with other people, where we experience empathy, where we can really be mindful is down
- here in this green section. And this is where the parasympathetic nervous system is in control. So the
- parasympathetic nervous system is gonna control all of the things that are automatic to us. So things
- like breathing, heart rate regulation, blood pressure, digestion, all of those things that we don't
- have to think about that are just kind of automatic. Body temperature control, all of those things.
- Parasympathetic nervous system is the one that's kind of in control. It's just automatic, and this is
- where we're safe, right? We have to feel safe, and we have to feel connected. And that connected piece
- is just knowing that somebody in this room has my back. No matter if something happened, I have no doubt
- that someone would respond.
- And so that allows me to really focus, it allows me to marshal my thinking part of the brain and be
- able to share this information with you. But I have to feel safe and I have to feel connected in order
- to do that. I'm living down here in my parasympathetic nervous system. When I get stressed, when a person
- gets stressed, whatever that trauma is, it kicks us into the pink part. And that pink part, the sympathetic
- nervous system.
- When the sympathetic nervous system kicks in, the brain says something is dangerous. And that dangerous
- thing can be physical, it can be an emotional danger to us, it can be a social danger to us. And what
- is absolutely fascinating to me is that the brain does not distinguish between the type of pain.
- that pain response, whether it's social pain because someone is calling us names, whether it's an emotional
- pain because we are depressed, or whether it's a physical pain because we experience injury, the brain,
- the tracks in the brain, that neuroscience, the neural pathways, it's exactly the same. So when we experience
- something that is threatening,
- tiny, tiny structure in the brain called the amygdala that basically kind of reads information coming
- in, says, hey, this is a threat, and I need to pay attention. And we need all hands on deck. So it's
- going to activate other parts of the brain, specifically the brain stem. And it is going to engage in
- behaviors. So it will elicit behaviors that are meant to help us feel safe again. So these
- are neurobiological responses. They're automatic. We don't think about it. We can't control it.
- because it is automatic and it is neurobiological. And for most of it, it's fight or flight. Now,
- I believe, based upon research and digging into this stuff, that we have a tendency to be one or the
- other, because again, it's automatic and we don't think about it. So if we are a fight, kind of prone
- to fight, then this is where we will usually do something like this.
- Right? It looks like anger, it looks like frustration, it looks like irritation, it can look like rage
- as well. And if you are, and when we are in that fight position, it's the muscles up here, so your arms
- and your neck that are activating shoulders, because we're gonna do something like this, right, to respond
- to that. We're gonna fight whatever that threat is, we're gonna fight it off, we're gonna keep it away
- from us. If you are a flight person,
- Flight people tend to experience the muscle tension down here in your lower backs and your buttocks
- because we're getting ready to run. We're getting ready to take off. That's what's activated. Now, how
- many times can you either fight something off or run from our daily stressors? Not very often.
- Not very often, but evolution hasn't caught up yet. And those muscles are still activated. Flight looks
- like worry.
- It looks like anxiety. They may be nervous. So it looks a little bit different, and the emotional experience
- is a little bit different. And oftentimes, flight also can be hiding. So they may not run, but they
- may try to hide. Now, littles might crawl under the table. They might go back in a corner somewhere.
- They might hide behind something. Typically, adolescents,
- are going to pull their hat down. They're wearing a hat, the brim comes down. If they have a hoodie,
- the top comes up, and they might even shrink it, because that's a hiding behavior. That is a flight
- behavior. This doesn't mean that they're being disrespectful. It doesn't mean that they're being lazy.
- It doesn't mean that they're not paying attention. It means that something in that environment has made
- them feel unsafe.
- and they are trying to do what they can in order to feel safe. Now, as I mentioned, this is automatic.
- You have an increase in blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing. You have an increase in oxygen to
- your muscles so that you can actually do something about it, whether it's run or whether it's fight.
- You have an increase in muscle tension so that we can meet that threat and we can do something about
- it. We can either make it go away by fighting, we can run away from it.
- Because it's automatic, it is beyond our control. And I want to make that clear. And in fact, it's so
- automatic that we respond before that information ever gets to the thinking part of the brain, ever
- gets to the prefrontal cortex. Now, we recognize faces and facial expressions and emotion in the prefrontal cortex.
- Now let me give you an example about how automatic this is. And those of you who work at YSB will have
- heard this story before, but that's okay because I think it's a really good example. I am a mom of four
- boys and my shortest kid is six foot. I'm five, four and a half. I'm proud of that half, right? But
- I'm shrinking. So by middle school, all of my boys were taller than I was. They were bigger than me.
- Now, I was still in control. I was still the boss. That was very, very clear. They all knew that. But
- they all went through this phase where it was fun for them to hide and jump out at me because they get
- a big reaction when they do that. But this is where this automatic piece comes in.
- come home from work, whatever, they're hiding, they jump out. And this is what I do because I am a fight
- person. So something big and unexpected is coming toward me. My brain says, this is a threat. We need
- to keep this thing away from you. So this is what I do. And I do this before I ever recognize that it's
- one of my kids, that it's a child that I have given birth to. This is what happens before I recognize that.
- So did they get hit sometimes? Yes. Was it their own fault? You bet, right? Don't jump at it, Mom. That's
- not good, right? Automatic, though. This happens before the information ever gets to the thinking part
- of my brain, and I recognize that this is one of my kids. So when we have those reactions, when you're
- working with individuals that have those reactions, it is very important for us to understand that that's
- beyond their control.
- And it even changes how I feel, right? Because at first it's fear, and then when I recognize it's one
- of my boys, it's irritation. Now, what are you doing, right? So it changes even that emotional part
- of us. This is a neurobiological. The last neurobiological response to stress is the freeze response.
- So the freeze response is when the brain says, this is just too much. I can't handle this. At this point,
- the body is going to shut down,
- and where you're going to basically conserve energy until that stressor is over. Now this can happen
- actually from the green. We can go from parasympathetic where life is good, we're happy, we're connected,
- we're safe, and then something happens that's dramatic enough, that's threatening enough to send us
- up into that freeze response. So this could be a physical attack.
- It could be being in a car accident. It could be a fire or tornado. It could be someone who, your best
- friend, who all of a sudden is cutting you out of their life and talking bad about you. It could be
- any of those things, but the brain reads it as too much, then it's gonna shut us down. And when that
- happens, we tend to disassociate, which means that memory,
- is not consistent. It can look like helplessness, hopelessness, depression, very often shame is a part
- of this because they feel like why didn't I do anything about it? But here's the key and I think that
- this is really important for us to share with people who are experiencing, who have experienced freeze
- and may have some shame around I didn't run away, I didn't try to fight them off, they could not do that.
- Because at this stage, the body says, nope, we're not fighting. We're not running away. In fact, blood
- pressure, heart rate, and breathing actually decrease. Our ability to engage emotionally with others
- is pretty much gone. We're not going to be able to empathize or connect emotionally with someone else.
- Our body is saying safety is most important, therefore we are going to conserve our energy and we lose
- muscle tone. So that ability to respond, that ability to fight, that ability to freeze has decreased
- because we lose muscle tone. The body says, we cannot fight this. The brain's like, it's too big. Let's
- just live through whatever that is. Helping people understand that they couldn't fight
- that they couldn't run away can help decrease that shame. Because their body just said, nope,
- it's too much. Now, we understand when this happens during a physical attack, when this happens with
- a car accident or that kind of thing. But if you have someone who has a history of trauma, especially
- when it happens early, before the age of 12, and their life is just chaotic,
- and they don't have anyone who makes them feel safe, and they don't have anyone connect to, they hardly
- ever get down to that green. They mostly live in the pink, because they're always on guard. They're
- always on alert, because their world now is unsafe. And in fact, we know through research that someone
- who has a history of trauma sees the world as a more dangerous place.
- and they don't trust individuals. So if they're living there in the pink, then one more thing can send
- them into the freeze. It doesn't have to be a big thing. It can be someone asking them to take their
- seat. It can be someone asking them to sit down and study.
- It can be someone asking them to help clean up the living room or whatever it is, but one more thing,
- it just becomes too much and can also send them into the freeze response. Now, our fight and flight
- kids are pretty easy to recognize because their behaviors that go with that. With our freeze individuals,
- and because I tend to say kids because that's who we work with, but we're talking about all age groups.
- With our freeze individuals, they just really get quiet.
- They kind of disappear and they don't really, they don't attract a lot of attention, but they are sitting
- there in a very, very unsafe situation as well. So a lot of times these individuals get termed lazy.
- They get accused of not paying attention. A lot of times they're just trying to survive. Any questions
- about this particular slide? Yes.
- because that is a learned behavior. So these are, she said she didn't see Fawn, so that friend befriend.
- Those are learned stress response behaviors. I am talking about the neurobiological. And the neurobiological
- will kind of take precedent, because safety is the brain's number one priority. All right, when we think
- about this in terms of what's going on in the brain,
- then what we see is down here in the brain stem, and the brain stem is what is activated when we are
- in crisis. When we are in crisis and we are dealing with something that is threatening to us, 60% of
- the brain's activity is in the brain stem, 60%. This is about surviving. This is about being safe. This
- will initiate those behaviors that in the past have helped us feel safe. So if you think about why do
- kids fight, why do they
- Why do they hide? Those are the things in their home that have helped them stay safe and survive in
- those threatening situations, and they kind of become ingrained. We see anywhere from 20 to 30 percent
- of the brain activity during stress in the limbic system. That is the middle part of the brain where emotions
- are assigned. We take an information, and we decide whether or not it is important to our survival.
- If it is, whether it's good or bad, then we're going to be assigned a motion. If it's bad, then we activate
- that brain stem, the threatening part. But even good, we want to pay attention to that. This helps me.
- This is important to my survival. I want to be around that person. I want to see that behavior. And
- so it still will kind of activate some activity if it's positive.
- Now the thinking part of the brain, which appears labeled cortical, so cortical, prefrontal cortex,
- cortex, all of those things, is really the thinking part of the brain. There's only 10 to 20% activity
- when we are stressed. So do you think it's helpful to ask someone who is in a fight or flight or freeze
- response mode
- Do you think it's helpful to try to have a conversation with them? Try to talk logically. Think rationally
- about the situation. Calm down. When you ask them to calm down, you're asking them to do something that
- they cannot do. Therefore, it is a stress. When people ask us to do something we can't do, that activates
- our stress response system. And if we're really, really upset, someone asking us to calm down is only
- going to make it worse.
- So understanding that the thinking part of the brain is only 10 to 20% active when someone
- is in a threatening situation, when they feel stress, regardless of what that is, we have to understand
- that we have to speak to the appropriate part of the brain. So we're going to talk about the different
- parts of the brain, but I do want to talk about challenges to both self-regulation and engagement and
- connection before we get to the strategies.
- So every day, every day, there are challenges to our ability to self-regulate. Now, my guess would be
- we are, I see a room full of people who help, a room full of, whether they're your teachers or social
- workers or youth care professionals, whether you're in Department of Child Services, probation, you're
- here because you care about kids and you want to have a positive impact, you help.
- Right? And so, hopefully, you have learned strategies that allow you to self-regulate. If you're successful,
- you have to have those, otherwise it gets you in trouble and you don't stay in the field. But there
- are challenges every day, even when we have those skills, those coping skills to self-regulation. And
- the first, the very first one is the fact that our stress response is automatic.
- So it is unrealistic, regardless of how long you've been in the field, how long you've practiced meditation
- and yoga, how long you have practiced really good coping skills, to think that you're gonna do this
- every time that you face a stress. Because it is automatic, and the more dangerous, the more threatening
- it is, the more likely that automatic response is gonna kick into gear. And so you see behaviors that
- maybe aren't typical of you,
- but still are going to happen. They're still going to happen because that's an automatic response. I
- have a great story, but I don't have time to tell it, which is really, really sad. So not only do we
- have that automatic response, but anything that threatens our safety is going to trigger our stress
- response. And for adults, having our capacities questioned and having our authority challenged is viewed
- as a stressor. And the brain goes, how dare they? I have a doctorate degree in industrial and organizational
- college. How dare they challenge me? Yeah, no, the brains get, it is like, it's that social kind of
- piece, you know, because we do strive to connect and to bring meaning to whatever group that is. And
- so having that stuff questioned is going to activate that stress response. All right, so any safety
- threats are going to do that.
- Any person who is dysregulated, guess what? They're gonna dysregulate us. We read dysregulated people
- as a threat. And that is because the brain likes to be in control. The brain likes to know what's gonna
- happen next because if we know what's gonna happen next, we can prepare for that and we can be in control.
- And a dysregulated person is unpredictable.
- And so they will dysregulate us as well. And it doesn't make any difference how big that person is or
- how small that person is. It will dysregulate us. So understanding that, just know that. And if you
- have to take time, you have to take time. Because we have to regulate ourselves. If we have a trauma
- history, there will be certain things that are going to be more triggering than others. And then in
- this field, we do experience secondary trauma.
- I don't care what you're doing. If you care about kids and you're dealing with kids who come from a
- difficult background, that is hard on us. And it can create secondary trauma as well. So these are all
- challenges to our ability to regulate ourselves. We cannot regulate someone else unless we are regulated.
- Anyone know who Dr. Bruce Perry is?
- Nobody knows it, okay, good. So if you don't know him, go look him up because he's absolutely fabulous.
- I fangirl over Dr. Bruce Perry because he is amazing. He has worked with youth all of his professional
- career and he explains this in terms that everyone can understand. He is amazing. And he says that a
- dysregulated person cannot regulate someone else. And that is so very true. Because if we're dysregulated,
- we're a threat to someone else.
- also know that we have challenges to engagement. And so the first one really is that we are, our brain's
- number one priority is self-preservation. And it will override everything else. If I feel threatened,
- then my brain says, I don't care how that person's gonna feel if you do this. We need to make sure you're
- safe. And so it's gonna override our ability to engage with other people because we wanna be safe. The
- brain's priority is safety.
- that makes us, in these times, egocentric. And egocentric is that it's really just turning inward and
- thinking about yourself and taking care of your needs. Now, we see this in adolescents. It's a very
- typical response in adolescents as they develop. But we can be egocentric when we feel threatened because
- we want to kind of reestablish that safety piece. And when we are egocentric,
- We're self-focused and we're not other focused, so that can get in the way of those relationships. We
- also have, again, if the person has a trauma history, they have a very negative worldview. It takes
- less for them to be activated, to activate that stress response, and they simply don't trust others.
- And this research is consistent and it is prevalent.
- that they just have a more difficult time seeing the world as a safe place and trusting in other people.
- Understandably, that's going to get in the way of relationships. We also have certain innate and learned
- engagement strategies. So if you're an optimistic person, yay.
- That's not up here, but that's also because optimistic people think, oh, it's going to work out.
- It's fine. You know, challenges is something that's just to be overcome. Whereas a pessimistic person,
- that's the end of the world. There's no other question. And it's challenging. Also, if you're an introvert
- or an extrovert, because introverts, so here's the thing. With introverts, we get our energy. I say
- we because I'm an introvert with a capital I, capital I, because we get our energy being alone.
- We have to be alone and we have to be able to kind of fill ourselves back up by being alone. Now it's
- not to say that we can't engage with other people because we can, you know, I teach, I do this, I love
- doing this kind of stuff. Most people think, gosh, she's an extrovert, not at all, not even close.
- All right, this I love, this energizes me, but if this was just a networking session where I had to
- go around and talk to individual people, I could do it
- And you wouldn't know that I'm dying inside, as I do, that it is absolutely exhausting. Extrovert people
- get their energy from that engagement with other people. They don't like to be alone. So it's just really
- how we get that energy. Well, obviously, if you're an introvert and you need that time alone, that can
- get in the way of relationships. My youngest son says he's done peopling.
- And that even applies to family members and family get-togethers. He's there for, if we're lucky, an
- hour and a half, and then he's done. Because we've zapped all of his energy. So that can get in the
- way of relationships. Attachment styles also, I don't really have a lot of time to go into attachment
- styles. What time am I supposed to be done? What time?
- Oh, yay. Good. All right, 1045. So attachment styles, again, these are learned. Anyone familiar with
- Mary Ainsworth and the strange situation? All right, this is developmental psychology 101. This is about
- how a child's needs are met and whether or not that caregiver is meeting them appropriately and consistently.
- The good news is that most of the time, about 60% of people have a secure attachment. Secure attachment
- is when that caregiver understands the needs of the baby, and we are talking infants, newborns and infants,
- and they consistently and appropriately meet that child need. So when they're hungry, they get fed.
- When they're tired, they get rocked to sleep. When they're wet, they get changed. And when they're bored,
- they get played with.
- And that happens over and over and over again. And that baby learns two things in that situation. The
- first thing that they learn is that they can depend on other people, right? Because if I need something,
- they can't do it themselves, and someone else is coming and taking care of me. So now I can rely on
- other people. These tend to be the folks who can stay in that green from that previous slide.
- because they learn the world is safe and you can trust other people. But they also learn that they can
- do something to get their needs met. Because what do babies do when they need something? They cry, right?
- I cry, and lo and behold, this big person comes and takes care of me. I can summon this person.
- to come and meet my needs. So they learn to trust in other people, and they learn to trust in their
- own abilities to get their needs met. That's a great place to be. These babies tend to want to make
- sure that that person is there, but they'll go off and they'll explore and they'll learn. They're not
- really happy when that person leaves, and they're really, really happy when that person comes back.
- I always had to remind myself of that when I left my youngest with a babysitter because he would cry
- when I left, but that just meant he was securely attached. And he would quit as soon as I walked out
- the door because he was securely attached to the babysitter as well. But always really happy to see
- me when he came back. These folks trust other people and they can have healthy relationships.
- The rest of the attachment styles are insecure attachment styles, and that's basically because the caregiver
- has not been consistent or hasn't appropriately met their needs. And this can be because the caregiver
- has a mental illness that's not treated. It could be because there's substance abuse. Maybe they never
- learned how to parent appropriately, because parenting is a learned skill. There's no such thing as
- the maternal instinct. We would be out of jobs.
- if there were, right? And so it can be a number of different, maybe they're working all of the time,
- maybe they have two jobs and they're simply exhausted. But if they don't consistently meet that child's
- need, then it's going to interfere with their ability to attach. If they never appropriately respond,
- then the avoidant, or it's like most of the time they don't appropriately respond, then avoidant personality
- or avoidant attachment is going to develop, which basically means that the kid, the baby, a baby,
- learns that they cannot trust other people, and they're pretty much on their own. I do training for
- foster parents. A foster parent couple came up to me, and they were talking about a baby that they got
- at four months old. He was, I mean, the parent was just gone for lots of different reasons. They weren't,
- even though they were physically present, they were never there for the baby. And at four months old,
- he had learned that it didn't make any difference to cry.
- So he didn't cry. And then with that consistent, appropriate care, at about 12 months, he was beginning
- to cry and express himself again. So he could make those changes. But at four months old, this child
- learned that it didn't make any difference to cry. So he was just on his own.
- Another type of insecure is ambivalent. Ambivalent attachment is when needs are sometimes met. So the
- baby cries because they're wet, and they get changed. And then sometimes they're not. The baby cries
- because they're hungry, and the caregiver tries to rock them to sleep. Sometimes they respond appropriately.
- Sometimes they don't respond at all. And again, that's for a number of different reasons. But these
- individuals don't know what to do to get their needs met.
- So they may be overly attached. They may be overly dependent. You'll see lots of different behaviors
- when it comes to this, because they just don't know what it is that they need to do to get that good
- relationship. They know what it looks like. But as infants, when they cried, sometimes it worked, and
- sometimes they didn't. So they have no clue what they do, what they need to do to get that. The last
- one is familiarity. The more that we are around people, the more that we know them.
- Again, this goes back to that predictability. I know what you look like when you're happy. I know what
- you look like when you're angry. I know what behavior is gonna happen when you're angry. I can predict
- what's gonna happen and I know what I need to do to be safe around that. So again, if we know people,
- if we're familiar with them, then that will increase that ability to engage. If we're unfamiliar with
- them, again,
- they're unpredictable because we don't know how they're going to respond. And we will, regardless of
- how you're going to respond, we will kind of go back to that old pattern and say, this is how the world
- usually is, and this is what they expect out of you, right? Because that's what they've learned. All right.
- So we're gonna dive into, I'm so glad that I have all this time to talk about the strategies, right?
- Because we're gonna dive into the strategies and what we need to do to talk to the appropriate part
- of the brain, right? So when we are gonna, we're gonna talk about this in terms of the survival brain,
- and that is that brain stem, that's the part of the brain that is overly
- that's the most active when people are in stress. So when people are stressed out, when they're obviously
- anxious, they're obviously angry, it is the survival brain that is in charge here because they don't feel safe
- And they're engaging those behaviors that have helped them survive to that point. So that's the survival
- brain. Then we're going to talk about the emotional brain. That is the limbic system, the mid-part of
- the brain. The mid-part of the brain controls not only emotional kind of, I guess, recognition, right?
- So this is where we assign emotion. This is where the threat.
- That fight or flight response is activated. This is also where our learning center is. The hippocampus
- is in the limbic system that is responsible for learning and memory. This is also where the reward system
- is the most ingrained. That neural pathway for our reward system is in the limbic system. So that's
- the emotional piece where we engage with other people. And then the last is the thinking brain.
- cortex. I tend to talk about the prefrontal cortex because that's where we do most of our higher emotional
- and cognitive learning. That's where it controls things like decision making, impulse control, higher
- emotional control is in the prefrontal cortex. This is the thinking part of the brain. But remember,
- the thinking part of the brain is not going to be activated until we feel safe
- and until we feel connected. So let's talk about what these look like. And we're gonna start with the
- survival brain. So again, when we are stressed, when we feel unsafe, it is that survival brain that
- is most active. And this is the part of the brain, when we talk about strategies here, we're gonna talk
- about what's called focused attention strategies. These are strategies that allow us
- to calm that stress response. They'll allow us to kind of bring that back down to calm the activity
- in the survival brains so that we can engage the emotional brain and we can engage the thinking part
- of the brain. And the survival brain really responds well to breathing, movement, and our senses. So
- we're going to talk about strategies that will incorporate those.
- So the easiest, the cheapest, none of these things cost money, which I think is absolutely fascinating.
- I love that. But the easiest thing to do to calm our stress response system is to deep breathe. And
- when I talk about deep breathing, I am talking about belly breathing, right? It is the stomach that
- rises, the chest does not.
- Typically, you're not going to get a whole lot of movement in your chest if you're deep breathing. Now,
- newborns deep breathe. We are born into this world breathing the way that is best for us, which is deep
- breathing. And how many of you as parents went and checked that baby because you didn't see their back
- rise? It's like, oh my god.
- Can't see any movement, right? Now your stress response is activated. But yes, they're breathing because
- it's the belly that's doing it. They're deep breathing because that's how we're supposed to do it. So
- there are lots of different strategies for deep breathing. My favorite is the 474, and this is why.
- 90 seconds of deep breathing is enough to turn off our stress response system.
- 90 seconds. All right, but when we are stressed, practicing deep breathing and trying to keep track
- of 90 seconds is kind of beyond our ability. That's just too much. We can't do that. I can't breathe
- and focus on my deep breathing and keep track of time, but 474 allows us to do that in a really easy
- way, because four plus four is eight, eight plus seven is 15, and 15 times six is 90. Whoa, you have
- to do this six times.
- Right? And then you can calm that. So what this is is, and I'm gonna say this, with deep breathing,
- it is belly breathing, because it's not gonna work otherwise, and your exhale has to be longer than
- your inhale. Okay? Those are the two kind of key components, is that it's belly breathing and your exhale
- is longer. So four, seven, four is a breath in for four through your nose,
- and exhale out through your mouth. So we breathe in through our nose, out through our mouth, and then
- if it is comfortable for you to do, hold your breath for four seconds. Because we can trick our brain
- into thinking everything's okay. And if we're not breathing, if we can hold our breath, then it must
- be all right. We don't even need to breathe. We're so safe. All right, so we can even just kind of use
- that trick. So again, it is the stomach that rises,
- in for four, out for seven, and then hold your breath for four. And if you do that six times, that's
- 90 seconds. And typically, you feel pretty good afterwards. All right. Sometimes, especially if we've
- gotten away from deep breathing, it is really difficult to slow that exhale. We tend to, all right,
- and there's nothing left. So there are a couple of tricks
- for slowing that exhale until you're used to doing that. The first is snake breathing. So again, it's
- a big inhale. And then sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
- And I would say if you're going to teach this to your littles, you have to do it first, because it looks
- silly. And you have to be willing to look silly before they do. But again, it's that big inhale.
- All right, and you do that first. Now, I have a harder time doing that for seven seconds. I like the
- snake one.
- Balloon breathing is actually going to incorporate movement into that. And so you tell your kids, okay,
- we're going to inflate the balloon. And when we do that, we're going to take a deep breath in and our
- arms are going to rise. And then we're going to let it out slowly like you do a balloon and make that
- sound that a balloon makes. Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
- Did a lot of virtual trainings. If you have animals and you're doing this, they will come and check
- you out. It's like, what is she doing? Look at you like you've lost your mind. It's so funny. I don't
- know if it's the sound, I don't know, but they're really fascinated by that. There are lots of different,
- you've heard of box breathing, which is hold your breath for four, inhale for four, hold your breath
- for four, exhale for four. There's lots of different ways.
- That doesn't incorporate the exhale being longer than the inhale, so that's why a 474, I don't like
- math, so this one's easy for me, to be honest with you, right? It is something that you can do,
- excuse me, something that you can do and nobody has to know that you're deep breathing. If you are sitting
- in a staff meeting and someone is just being a fool,
- And saying really stupid stuff that gets you going, you can deep breathe and calm yourself down and
- nobody ever has to know that that's what you're doing. Middle schools love this one, middle schoolers,
- because they can do this and nobody sees it. They don't like that attention, so it's something that
- you can incorporate.
- Movement is also really, really great. And so anything that is going to activate our muscles is working.
- Are you guys familiar with deep muscle relaxation, which is the tensing and then the release? When you
- release, it should be an automatic release. I will say that typically you will either move from your
- toe to your head or your head down. I don't know why, but I always start with my toes and you just kind
- of flex them. You can curl them under, you can flex them
- put them up, typically hold for three seconds while you're flexing, and then that immediate release,
- and then just work all the way up your body. Again, unless you're doing your face, because your face
- makes it, all right, you tense your face, people are going, what is she doing, right? But everything
- else, again, you can do this and nobody has to know. It is that release. Now, in the animal kingdom,
- they do this automatically. Anyone ever notice what a dog does after a stressful response?
- or a stressful situation, what do they do? They shake, right? We see gazelles do this when they've been
- chased by that predator, and they get away, and it's finally safe, and they do a whole body shake. So
- if you're in a place that you feel comfortable doing a whole body shake, then shake it off. That's where
- the term comes, shake it off.
- Shake it off. We're shaking off. We don't do that. We hold tension in our bodies, and we don't, on a
- regular basis, release that tension. And this is what all this is about. So shake it off. That's a song,
- right? By some, I don't know, some singer. We also can do stretching or yoga. I mean, that's the beauty
- of yoga, is that it really is stretching. That's all it is.
- Now, a really good yoga program is going to incorporate deep breathing, which is awesome and amazing,
- but stretching, again, is going to release that muscle tension where we hold it. It is purposeful, and
- you can do it anywhere that you are. Now, maybe people notice, but so what? I think it's practicing,
- you know, it's good self-care and sharing, what are you doing? Man, I'm really tense, and I just need
- to relax my muscles.
- Just need to stretch it out. With kids, there are certain ones. So you can swim it out. Swim it out.
- But you're releasing those muscles. And then there are specific exercises. They're called either tension
- or trauma release exercises that target a specific body part. So if you are a fight person and you hold
- your tension in your arms and your shoulders, then you just press your palms together as hard as you can.
- And eventually, they'll start to shake. Now, if you can hold this for 90 seconds, again, that 90 is
- what's ideal. You will sweat. I'm starting to sweat, so I'm going to quit. It's hard to do if you do
- it for a long period of time. But then just release, and it's going to release some of those muscles.
- If you are a flight person and you hold your tension in your back, your stomach, and your buttocks,
- and you want to get up against a wall, don't have a wall to do that.
- You just lower yourself until your thighs are parallel with the floor and then your legs will start
- to shake. And again, hold that as long as you can and release and that's gonna release some of that
- tension that we hold in our body. We do that and we don't, and again, this is automatic, it's evolutionary
- because we're still ready to fight and we're still ready to run away from those things and our stressors today
- Those don't work. And in fact, sometimes they'll get us in more trouble, right? But we still hold that
- body tension there. So we have to have those very specific ways of getting rid of that. Rhythm is also
- something that works to calm that stress response system, our survival brain. So music is great. It
- is like music soothes the savage beast, right? And there's neuroscience behind that saying now.
- But it has to be below 80 beats per minute. Anything above 80 beats per minute is going to get us going.
- So kind of slow. And typically, if you're using this as a calming exercise for someone that you're working
- with, instrumental, because we don't know how the words are going to, people are going to respond to
- words, we respond differently. So instrumental is always slow. Instrumental is going to be good. Also,
- if they're just like really wound,
- And, you know, just, okay, so you're upset. Is it okay if I just stand here to make sure you're safe?
- And you might get this and you're standing there and then just... It doesn't have to be loud. I don't
- know if you guys can all hear that. What does it sound like? A heartbeat. And it will calm them back down.
- Again, it's slow. Make sure it sounds not that, but slow. And it will calm them back down. And then
- anyone familiar with tapping? All right, so tapping also will include movement. There is some verbal
- tapping. And I can send instructions if folks want this. But tapping is you kind of prime by hitting
- this what you call the karate chop part of your hand.
- and say something that's irritating and what your solution is. So I get really, really frustrated when
- I have to wait on people, but I can be patient. And you say that three times, and then you're primed,
- and then you tap in a certain order while saying that positive thing. I can be patient. I can be patient.
- I can be patient. I can be patient. I can be patient. I can be patient. I can be patient. I can be patient.
- I can be patient. I can be patient. I can be patient. I might have missed one.
- So there's instructions. Someone's saying, no, you didn't. OK, that's good to know that. Now, I only
- have to do that a couple of times, and that works. Some people might have to do it a little bit longer,
- depending on how stressed they are. But these are all things that will calm that survival brain. The
- last thing is senses, because the survival brain will respond to senses. So it can be, if you've got
- a visual person, it can be coloring or doodling.
- You know, and that's just like, did anyone color to calm down? Adult coloring books, they finally recognize
- that, hey, this is a thing, and it works. Anyone doodle while you sit in a session like this? You know,
- that actually increases your attention? It increases your ability to pay attention. If you're one of
- those people, and I'm one of those people as well, it increases my ability to pay attention.
- I had to educate my son's fifth grade teacher about that. He got in trouble for doodling. I sent an
- article to the teacher. Kel wasn't happy, but he also didn't get in trouble for doodling anymore because
- there's research behind the fact that doodling increases attention. Sometimes you're an auditory person
- and things just get too much. So those noise canceling headphones, because this kids, we do this, right?
- We do this when it's too much. And in fact, there are, y'all know how the auditory, it's a sound wave
- and it hits the eardrum and it vibrates and it vibrates the bones in your middle ear. And then it goes
- to the auditory nerve with that vibration. When we are stressed, when we are stressed, the muscles that
- are in control of those bones in that middle ear stop, they stop the vibration.
- They automatically turn off sound when we are overwhelmed. The body is absolutely fascinating. So noise
- canceling. If you use scents, scents and touch can be good. So like a lotion, I typically suggest unscented
- lotion because scents are one of those things that bypass
- It bypasses the thalamus. It goes straight to an olfactory nerve in the brain, so it has an automatic
- connection to a place in the brain that will activate. It's why scents activate those emotions so strongly.
- And we don't know what scent an abuser is using. And the last thing we want to do is introduce a scent
- that is stressful. So that's why I always suggest unscented touches. I mean, lotion is good, right?
- You can just kind of get this going. Ask the people if you don't know if you want to use scents. Make
- sure you ask them what they like, what they don't like. They're going to be able to tell you. You can
- do a dry wash, which is get a loofah or a washcloth, a dry washcloth, and just pretend like you're taking
- a bath. And that's that touch piece that's going to be calming. Because we typically don't bathe when
- we're really stressed. That's not the first thing that we get. Well, some of us go take a hot bath.
- But again, it's just that calming kind of thing. The key here is finding what works for you and finding
- what works for the individual that you're working with. So there will be some trial and error. One of
- the best ways, though, is just ask. What helps you calm down? Breathing is going to work for everyone.
- That rhythm piece, that's going to work for everyone because those are automatic. Some of this other
- stuff requires that we ask them what's going on. All right. When we talk about connections, connections
- is that emotional part of the brain. So once people feel safe, they also want to know that there's somebody
- there that has their back. Do we not just feel better in a dangerous situation if we have just one other
- person with us?
- We want to make sure that another safe person, I guess I should say, that we feel safe with. So connections
- is that kind of piece where we are engaging with other folks. It does require that we feel safe first.
- But we're going to talk about touch points, and we're going to talk about noticing. And then again,
- positive modeling here. We want to make sure that whoever it is that you're working with has someone
- that cares about them, that's always gonna be there, call them personal cheerleaders. And this is important
- because there is a brain chemical called oxytocin. It is our bonding neurotransmitter. It is what connects
- us to other people. And this follows the same neural pathways that cortisol does. Cortisol is the stress
- hormone. It is the hormone that is released when we are in danger, when we feel threatened.
- Oxytocin follows that same neural pathway and it will override cortisol. So it just calms that down,
- right? And it can be someone, so if you have, if you're working with individuals, find out who makes
- them feel safe. Find out who they connect with, who they feel loved and again, safe with. And when they're
- really having a hard time, give them the opportunity to connect to that person.
- It doesn't have to be in person. Talking to them over the phone will work. One of the beauties of these
- things is we can FaceTime, and they can actually see that person, just seeing that person will help
- them calm down. And if you can get a hug, that's that kind of, I call it an oxytocin fix, nine seconds
- of a really good hug,
- is going to calm your neurotransmitter. Now, my youngest is very empathetic. At three, he was called
- an old soul by his preschool teacher. And I would come home from work once he got into, I mean, he always
- knew, and I always got a hug from him. Now, once he got bigger than me, and he's also my biggest kid,
- he's six, three and a half. So when I get a hug from Cale, I get a hug. I always have to make sure my
- face is this way, otherwise I can't breathe, right? But I get one of those really
- Strong, deep, nine-second hugs. And he could tell by me walking in. You need a hug? He'd always ask.
- You need a hug? But yeah, I need a hug. And that's when his oxytocin kicks in, and all of a sudden,
- the world is a manageable place. And a little bit better, too, right? So find those oxytocin fixes.
- We also are gonna role model things. How many of you guys ever go into work hot? You come in hot.
- For whatever reason, you'll woke up late, the kids wouldn't get their shoes on by themselves,
- whatever it is, the car wouldn't start, traffic was bad, the line at Starbucks was extra long, and you
- were running late, you come in hot, and there's nothing wrong with saying, guys, I don't know about
- you, but I have had a morning, or I've had a day, and I just need to deep breathe.
- I just need to calm down. You are invited to do this with me. You don't have to. If you're totally fine,
- then just take 90 seconds to kind of just be quiet. But I need this to breathe. And you're invited to
- do this along with me. When we do that, yes, vulnerability is on here. When we do that, what we are
- doing is we are modeling vulnerability. Vulnerability builds trust.
- When we model vulnerability, it models one, that it's okay not to be okay. That everybody is human.
- And the other thing that we model when we show vulnerability is that there's an appropriate way to handle
- it. Right? She's really stressed. I can tell. Just by her body language. Just by the tone of voice.
- But she's not yelling at us.
- She's not taking it out on us. She's actually doing stuff to take care of herself and to calm back down,
- and she's asked us, because I would, I don't mean to be irritable, I'd go home, okay, I've had a day,
- and I do not mean to be irritable if I snap let me know, because it is not about you, and I will do
- what I need to do to make sure that we're okay. That lets them be vulnerable with you. If you are in
- a position where you have any type of authority whatsoever, and you always have it together,
- and you never show vulnerability, and nothing ever gets to you, you've always got the right answer,
- people will not come to you. Even if they really trust and admire you, they will not come to you because
- they don't want to disappoint you. She's always got it together. I don't want to look like I don't.
- So that vulnerability allows them to come to you. Those interactions, so anyone familiar with 10 by 2?
- So 10 by 2 is a really, really great way to connect with an individual. It is talking two minutes with
- someone 10 days in a row. Two minutes, 10 days in a row, whatever they want to talk about. If they want
- to get into the deep stuff and you don't feel kind of confident in handling that stuff, you might say,
- oh, let me connect it to someone else. But that 10 by 2 piece is they get to talk about whatever it
- is that they want to talk about.
- You will probably learn more than you ever want to know about Fortnite or Marvel or whatever it is.
- But they feel heard in that feeling. We all want to feel heard. We all want to be noticed, and we all
- want to feel heard. So that 10 by 2 allows them to do that. If you're in a group setting and you have
- a kid that's really, really difficult, then take turns. Rotate the adults who do the 10 by 2 so that
- this kid feels connected.
- So don't forget the secretary if you're in a school setting. Don't forget the custodial staff. We can
- connect to everybody. And that 10 by 2 allows them that connection piece. If you have shared interests,
- that's great because then it's something to talk about. It's not a forced 10 by 2. It's something that
- happens automatically. And laughter.
- Again, I have all these sayings. Laughter is the best medicine. But guess what? It is. It really is.
- There's medical benefits. There are medical and psychological benefits to laughing. Even if it's forced
- laughter, it tricks our brain into thinking everything's OK because it fires off different.
- When we laugh, your face changes when you laugh. And those muscles send messages to the brain saying
- everything's OK.
- We're good. We're happy. We're happy. So that laughter is really good. Do it naturally. That's fine.
- In my household, the boys always had chores. As teenage boys, what do they do when it's time for chores?
- They complain. So there was an article in the paper about a mom who stabbed her 13-year-old son because
- he didn't do the dishes. And I cut it out, and I put it on the fridge. And when the boys complained
- about doing a chore,
- I would say, go read the fridge. Oh, mom. And I get the eye roll and the ugh. But guess what? They went
- and did their chore. We can use that to our benefit. We can use that. When we laugh, it increases. It
- releases endorphins. It activates our reward system. And then we feel good about the person that we're
- laughing with. And it builds that connection. That's why we like to be around people who make us laugh.
- All right, noticing and validating. Again, easy, easy stuff. Just saying hi to people as they come in
- the door and making sure you say goodbye when they leave. If they have a haircut, new shoes, a new top,
- if they look down, if they're extra happy, if they look anxious, just say something. Just notice, because
- we need to feel noticed and validated around those things. And then active listening.
- of listening is a challenge in today's world, mostly because of this thing, right? But it gets put down,
- and even if it goes off, we're not looking at it. That person has our undivided attention, and we're
- asking, clarifying questions to make sure that what they're saying is what we hear. Not to respond,
- but to understand. And then there are specific strategies around building empathy and expectations.
- If you work with a group over an extended period of time, start by establishing
- Emotion norms. What do we want this to feel like? What do we want this classroom? What do we want this
- group? What do we want this to feel like? What's important to you? So you brainstorm, you popcorn out,
- and then everybody agrees on probably five to seven.
- With that agreement, it's easy to remind them this is where we're going to be so they understand what
- this space is going to feel like when we're together. You could do a couple of things like in their
- shoes or commonality contest, which is especially if you've got kids who might be butting heads, pair
- them together on purpose. We're going to do the exercise and you pair them together on purpose and you
- give them two minutes to come up with everything that they have in common.
- And then whichever group has the most, they get, you know, whatever, they get a prize. Candy's always
- good. If they're not diabetic. If you're allowed to give it out, whatever. They have that. Another version
- of that with the older kids is never have I ever, right? Y'all know never have I ever. It's like musical
- chairs except one person's in the middle and they say never have I ever driven a tractor. And anyone
- else who hasn't driven a tractor has to switch seats
- And the person standing has to find a seat to sit down and whoever's left has to come up with a never
- have I ever. It is fun. I do this with adults because it is fun. You get to know about people. It's
- energizing. It's one of those things that really build those connections.
- Okay, so the last thing we're going to talk about is responding to or activating that thinking part
- of the brain. Again, we need to feel calm and we need to feel connected. Once we do, we can activate
- this through what are called brain intervals, brain interval exercises. This is good for transitions
- and breaks. It's also good when they're getting ready to do something that requires their focus.
- talk about this in cross-lateral, coordinated, and kind of symbolic activities. What all of these things
- have in common is that they activate all of the brain. And that's what we want to do. Once they feel
- safe and once they feel connected, we're going to activate that thinking part of the brain. So if you
- have a pen in your hand, or if you have a pen, pick it up and write your name on anything that you have.
- Just write your name.
- Once you're done, put it in your other hand and write your name. Okay, so what I'm noticing is it takes
- longer and people are concentrating a lot more because it's out of the norm.
- Anything that is, so if you're dominant, whether it's left or right, just do other things with your
- non-dominant hand, and that requires more attention. It's new. All of the brain is activated when we're
- doing something that's new. And it's the other side that's kind of in control. So those are gonna work.
- It can also be things simply like taking your left hand and touching your right knee, right hand,
- left knee. You can do all the different body parts, but that cross,
- it's called cross-lateral piece, is gonna activate both hemispheres and get us ready to focus. Coordinated
- activities can be something like patting your head and rubbing your belly. Can y'all do that?
- So as adults, we got really good at doing this. It's fun to do this with kids because they have a really
- hard time. Now switch. Can you do it the other way around? Sometimes people have more of a challenge
- doing that way, that coordinate. Or, and I cannot do this one, I need to practice.
- Peace, and okay, and then switch. Right? Okay, peace. You have to think about doing that. And being
- able to do that, again, is going to activate both sides of the brain. Things that are outside of the
- norm, again, I think, I don't know why the tongue is tied to activating all parts of the brain,
- but it is. So you can do a tongue stretch, like that.
- It activates, I don't know why, but it does, it activates. Or you can do, I mean, or funny talk. And
- funny talk is this. So my tongue is behind my teeth at the top part, and I'm just talking. Now y'all
- can understand me, right? But I also have to enunciate a lot more. So that's gonna activate that. And
- then anything that's symbolic. So you can do mental math, have them count by threes in a group. You can do,
- Alphabet by animal and not by letter. And what's interesting is you do it as a group. And ABCD is pretty
- good, but once people get to EFG, you start to see people stop and think about what letter comes next
- before they think of the animal. It's really kind of, I mean, you see it, you see it. And then symbolic,
- so like air drawing. So what am I drawing here? Okay, how about this?
- tree yeah and you just get harder and harder but you can do that in pairs what we're doing is we're
- making people focus we are doing things that require both hemispheres to do that okay so it is 1043
- and looky there
- So we have two minutes for questions. I know I ran through this really quickly, but I really wanted
- to get to the exercises. Recognize when you're working with someone which part of the brain you need
- to connect with. You now have strategies to do that. And then once you do that, you can use this to
- your ability. So we have questions. We just have two minutes. There's a question back there. She's going
- to grab the microphone.
- They need a microphone for the video thing. Okay, go ahead.
- Okay, so she's talking about when you are working with someone who doesn't have any connections, when
- they can't name that one person who makes them feel safe, and then it becomes our job to find that person,
- right? So it could be a teacher, it could be a neighbor, maybe it is the parent of
- you know, somebody in their classroom. It could be a coach. It could be janitorial staff. It could be
- anybody, but it becomes our job to find that person. It could be you. Here's the caveat. It needs to
- be someone who's going to stick around. The reason in mentoring that you require a year-long commitment
- is because if you don't stick around at least a year, you do more harm than good.
- So it has to be someone who's going to be there and who is willing to make that commitment to be there
- for that person. Help them understand why that's important. Help them understand how to, I mean, they
- need to self-regulate so that they can co-regulate. So you're talking about developing skills.
- But it is looking in their environment that they're in and then finding that one person, one or two
- people that could be there. I hope that's helpful. It's challenging. I understand that. But we really,
- that should, I mean, if I had a magic wand, what I would do was give every person, at least one person
- who believed the world revolved around them, that was that kind of support because that is so powerful.
- All right, I'll be willing to stick around. It is 10.45, so I'm gonna turn it back over, but I'll stick
- around if you have other questions. Thank you much for sticking with me in this one, and I appreciate
- your attention.