WEBVTT 00:00:10.594 --> 00:00:17.146 - Okay, good afternoon. Thank you for joining us today. We are very happy to have Kelly Farrell from Overdose 00:00:17.146 --> 00:00:23.456 - Lifeline joining us today as our presenter. And she'll be talking about the family disease of addiction 00:00:23.456 --> 00:00:29.705 - and utilizing compassionate non-confrontal approaches to encourage loved ones into treatment using the 00:00:29.705 --> 00:00:30.494 - CRAFT model. 00:00:31.202 --> 00:00:37.403 - a quick housekeeping item before we get started. If you're planning on getting the CEUs or continued 00:00:37.403 --> 00:00:43.542 - education credits, make sure you sign in and out on the sign in sheet at your table. That will help 00:00:43.542 --> 00:00:49.804 - mark your time and make sure you also sign out and please stay until the very end to scan the QR code 00:00:49.804 --> 00:00:56.005 - and enter the six digit code at the close of the session that will be on the slide. So, Kelly, thank 00:00:56.005 --> 00:00:59.934 - you for joining us. Do you want this or? Nope. Signed up. Okay. 00:01:00.802 --> 00:01:08.365 - Thank you, Kathy. Hi, everybody. We're almost till end of your day, so home stretch, stick with me. 00:01:08.365 --> 00:01:16.457 - We're gonna have some dialogue, some conversation, opportunities to do some activities. Not to put anybody 00:01:16.457 --> 00:01:24.095 - on the spot, but you'll get to use your brain. So, like Kathy said, my name is Kelly. I'm Kelly with 00:01:24.095 --> 00:01:29.918 - a Y, the 80s version. And I'm from an organization called Overdose Lifeline. 00:01:30.050 --> 00:01:36.775 - I'm the director of family programs there and my job is twofold. One part is to help build families 00:01:36.775 --> 00:01:43.566 - and friends in recovery systems across our state to enhance the likelihood that individuals find and 00:01:43.566 --> 00:01:50.627 - maintain recovery. The other component is overdose bereavement services. So I'm the overdose bereavement 00:01:50.627 --> 00:01:57.150 - coordinator for Marion County and work in collaboration with our coroner's office to ensure that 00:01:57.250 --> 00:02:03.833 - individuals who are navigating the loss of a loved one due to substances has support as well, knowing 00:02:03.833 --> 00:02:10.609 - that those folks are at also increased risk for overdose death. So we're trying to take our intervention 00:02:10.609 --> 00:02:17.256 - and put prevention in there as well. So as you already know, brevity, not my strong suit. So the title 00:02:17.256 --> 00:02:23.774 - is really long and I apologize for that. But the short version is that today we're gonna learn about 00:02:24.002 --> 00:02:31.071 - how we engage families in recovery using a model called CRAFT. So I am from Overdose Lifeline and we 00:02:31.071 --> 00:02:35.550 - as an organization are in every county in the state of Indiana. 00:02:35.746 --> 00:02:42.215 - and work with at least one organization in every state in our country. So we're a tiny but mighty crew. 00:02:42.215 --> 00:02:48.496 - My region is Indiana. So if you met me before, I've probably been in your little town doing training 00:02:48.496 --> 00:02:54.903 - or capacity building. Indiana is a fascinating place. And part of this job, not only do we get to talk 00:02:54.903 --> 00:03:01.123 - about addiction and recovery and things like that, but I also get to learn things like Martinsville 00:03:01.123 --> 00:03:03.486 - is the goldfish capital of the world. 00:03:03.650 --> 00:03:11.073 - And Peru, Indiana is the circus capital of the world. And yes, I have magnets to commemorate both places. 00:03:11.073 --> 00:03:18.146 - So our work at Overdose Lifeline, I'll share briefly, is separated into three pillars. So we started 00:03:18.146 --> 00:03:25.359 - with our advocacy pillar. If you or your organization disperses naloxone in the state of Indiana, it's 00:03:25.359 --> 00:03:31.102 - most likely come from Overdose Lifeline. Not all of it does, but most of it does. 00:03:31.394 --> 00:03:38.069 - We also have our education pillar, which you all are a part of today, and then the support pillar, which 00:03:38.069 --> 00:03:44.552 - is where I live most of the time. So we'll talk a little bit about these areas, and then there's more 00:03:44.552 --> 00:03:50.973 - information on our website. So as I mentioned, the majority of naloxone distributed in Indiana comes 00:03:50.973 --> 00:03:57.520 - through Overdose Lifeline, and that is because that is a core foundation of our organization. Our CEO, 00:03:57.520 --> 00:04:00.190 - Justin Phillips, created our organization 00:04:00.450 --> 00:04:07.159 - in the grief process after losing her son Aaron to a heroin overdose. And then soon after learning that 00:04:07.159 --> 00:04:13.609 - if naloxone was in the home that could have potentially reversed his overdose and he would still be 00:04:13.609 --> 00:04:20.318 - here with us today. So our goal is to ensure that no one else experiences those things. So we have over 00:04:20.450 --> 00:04:27.472 - Right now we're at 719 nalox boxes, which are these clear acrylic boxes, all across the state of Indiana 00:04:27.472 --> 00:04:34.359 - on outside walls of public buildings where folks can receive naloxone and test strips depending on the 00:04:34.359 --> 00:04:41.113 - area for free at any time without having to speak with another human being. We also have 18 naloxone 00:04:41.113 --> 00:04:43.454 - vending machines across the state. 00:04:43.810 --> 00:04:51.156 - The only difference between the two is capacity, where a nalox box can hold about 10 doses and our vending 00:04:51.156 --> 00:04:58.365 - machine can hold 350, but they provide those supplies just the same. Our goal with the vending machines, 00:04:58.365 --> 00:05:03.102 - because they are kind of expensive, is to be intentional about those 00:05:03.490 --> 00:05:10.405 - Populations that are at higher risk for overdose, people who are coming out of incarceration, people 00:05:10.405 --> 00:05:17.319 - who are transitioning out of the hospital, or people who are unhoused or maybe utilizing the library 00:05:17.319 --> 00:05:24.439 - services. So most of those vending machines are in county jail lobbies, emergency departments of county 00:05:24.439 --> 00:05:31.422 - hospitals and libraries. And then we have over 150 individuals who are also distributors of naloxone. 00:05:31.554 --> 00:05:37.847 - If that's something you're interested in, let me know. I'll get you connected. And then we also have 00:05:37.847 --> 00:05:44.078 - a program statewide that individuals can request naloxone to be mailed to them for free anywhere in 00:05:44.078 --> 00:05:50.495 - Indiana. We also currently have fentanyl test strips, xylazine test strips, benzodiazepine test strips 00:05:50.495 --> 00:05:57.100 - also for free. We don't report to anybody. So like I live in a county that is not kind about test strips, 00:05:57.100 --> 00:06:01.150 - but you can order them on our website and we'll get them to you. 00:06:03.010 --> 00:06:09.255 - All right, so the reason that you're here, and thank you for being here. You could have seen the tall 00:06:09.255 --> 00:06:15.622 - cop, but instead you're gonna see the short social worker, so welcome. By the end of our time together, 00:06:15.622 --> 00:06:21.867 - you'll be able to understand the impact of addiction on a family and recognize that you don't have to 00:06:21.867 --> 00:06:28.051 - be utilizing a substance to be deeply impacted by it, as well as the benefit of engaging families in 00:06:28.051 --> 00:06:30.622 - recovery work. You'll understand at least 00:06:30.882 --> 00:06:37.023 - briefly what the craft model is and what it stands for and who it might benefit. And then lastly, you'll 00:06:37.023 --> 00:06:43.339 - walk away with at least one skill that will enhance your work with everyone that you come across. Hopefully 00:06:43.339 --> 00:06:49.304 - you'll have more than that, but hopefully at least one sticks. That's the goal. Now, while this seems 00:06:49.304 --> 00:06:55.444 - all fancy, because I got the mic and the clicker and everything, I want this to be a conversation. Craft 00:06:55.444 --> 00:07:00.766 - itself is a conversation relationship-based model. So let's have some dialogue if you have 00:07:00.930 --> 00:07:08.451 - questions, thoughts, ideas, experiences, share whatever you're comfortable with. Not an expectation, 00:07:08.451 --> 00:07:16.271 - but certainly something that's welcome. So first, let's just get ourselves oriented. If we don't already 00:07:16.271 --> 00:07:23.941 - recognize this, addiction is a chronic disease. It impacts over 48 million Americans directly, and all 00:07:23.941 --> 00:07:26.622 - of us are impacted indirectly. What 00:07:26.786 --> 00:07:32.974 - is challenging about addiction, particularly on the family and friends side, is that we see the side 00:07:32.974 --> 00:07:39.285 - effects of the addiction and take it personally, not recognizing the amount of change that's happening 00:07:39.285 --> 00:07:45.535 - in our addicted loved ones brain and body. So for instance, them losing their job as a side effect of 00:07:45.535 --> 00:07:51.662 - their addiction wasn't because they woke up and decided that they wanted to ruin their life, right? 00:07:51.662 --> 00:07:54.174 - It's a side effect of a chronic disease. 00:07:54.626 --> 00:08:00.437 - So helping families make that adjustment is important because if we're angry, we're not going to be 00:08:00.437 --> 00:08:06.364 - able to connect with our loved one. And if we're not making connection in relationship with our loved 00:08:06.364 --> 00:08:12.408 - one, we're not going to be able to support their healing. So anyone familiar with the hand-brain model? 00:08:12.408 --> 00:08:18.277 - Couple of us? Okay, great. So everyone come on this journey with the four of us that have heard this 00:08:18.277 --> 00:08:21.822 - before. I want you to put your hand up in the air like this. 00:08:21.986 --> 00:08:28.043 - like you're asking a question, you're gonna cross your thumb in the middle of your hand, close your 00:08:28.043 --> 00:08:34.402 - fingers over that. This very simply represents our central nervous system, with our arm being our spinal 00:08:34.402 --> 00:08:40.520 - cord, our palm being our brain stem, our thumb and thumbnail representing our limbic system, and our 00:08:40.520 --> 00:08:46.698 - fingers representing our prefrontal cortex. So what we often assume is that when people are utilizing 00:08:46.698 --> 00:08:49.726 - substances, they're using their prefrontal cortex 00:08:49.922 --> 00:08:56.507 - or that logic rationing problem solving part of our brain to make choices. In reality, our brain has 00:08:56.507 --> 00:09:03.483 - flipped our lid and we're living in survival mode when addiction is on board. So survival, or our survival 00:09:03.483 --> 00:09:10.264 - brain, our brain stem is that fight, fright, freeze. It's also what keeps us, you know, our temperature 00:09:10.264 --> 00:09:15.806 - regulated, digests our yummy lunch so I didn't have to cognitively think about that. 00:09:16.482 --> 00:09:22.199 - So oftentimes, individuals, again, are assuming that our loved ones are making conscious decisions. 00:09:22.199 --> 00:09:27.915 - But I don't know about you. I'm 40. I've met a lot of people. And I have yet to meet the person who 00:09:27.915 --> 00:09:33.632 - woke up one day and was like, you know what's a really great idea? Get a felony so I can never have 00:09:33.632 --> 00:09:39.463 - my own apartment, ruin my chances of the job that I want, and sever every relationship that I've ever 00:09:39.463 --> 00:09:45.694 - had with the people in my life. Has anybody met that person? Yeah, because that person doesn't exist, right? 00:09:45.794 --> 00:09:51.993 - So what instead we're seeing is the side effects of the chronic disease of addiction. So it's important 00:09:51.993 --> 00:09:57.953 - to help family members and friends understand what's happening, understand that mechanism. And yes, 00:09:57.953 --> 00:10:03.973 - those things are impacting you. Your person isn't consciously trying to ruin your life or theirs. So 00:10:03.973 --> 00:10:09.993 - if you were in this room earlier when Kara was speaking, we learned about neuroplasticity. So that's 00:10:09.993 --> 00:10:15.774 - our brain's ability to continue to rewire and restructure, which stays in place our entire life. 00:10:15.906 --> 00:10:23.378 - So that old adage of you can't teach your old dog new tricks, not true. We can continue to learn all 00:10:23.378 --> 00:10:31.145 - the time, which is great for an old lady like me. What's important for us to recognize, though, is that, 00:10:31.145 --> 00:10:38.838 - yes, 40 is not old. You're right. Thank you for the reframe. Although when I wake up and my back hurts, 00:10:38.838 --> 00:10:40.318 - I'm like, oh, mama. 00:10:40.738 --> 00:10:47.444 - What's important for us to remember, though, is that neuroplasticity doesn't just happen. There has 00:10:47.444 --> 00:10:54.350 - to be certain conditions in place for our brain to be able to learn. So there are two things that need 00:10:54.350 --> 00:11:01.056 - to be true in order for us to learn new information and integrate it into our brain. Any guesses of 00:11:01.056 --> 00:11:08.030 - what those two things might be? What needs to be true in order for us to learn and remember? So we need 00:11:08.030 --> 00:11:09.438 - our basic needs met. 00:11:10.178 --> 00:11:18.902 - So we need to be safe. And then what else? Any other thoughts? We've got to be regulated. So in order 00:11:18.902 --> 00:11:27.796 - to be regulated, we've got to be safe and what? Why do we go to school? Why is school effective? What's 00:11:27.796 --> 00:11:36.862 - the difference between a good teacher and a not so good teacher? They make us feel connected, connection. 00:11:37.346 --> 00:11:44.545 - So in order for us to learn and remember things, we need to feel safe and connected. So it's important 00:11:44.545 --> 00:11:51.674 - for family and friends to understand that in order for anything that I say or do to get into my loved 00:11:51.674 --> 00:11:58.873 - one's brain, we both have to feel safe and connected. So you'll see that as we start to talk about the 00:11:58.873 --> 00:12:06.001 - craft model, that this is about owning your shit, okay? We're gonna own our own shit. So, which is so 00:12:06.001 --> 00:12:06.910 - fun, so fun. 00:12:07.906 --> 00:12:14.573 - Anyway, stigma is what oftentimes gets in the way though. We still live in a society that has a moral 00:12:14.573 --> 00:12:21.109 - judgment about people who are living with addictions or who have disabilities or live a life that's 00:12:21.109 --> 00:12:27.906 - different than what you expect them to. In reality, addiction is the only chronic health condition that 00:12:27.906 --> 00:12:33.854 - we have criminalized. We're not putting people in jail who have diabetes that use insulin. 00:12:33.954 --> 00:12:41.672 - but yet we criminalize people who are trying to manage an addiction with Suboxone. So stigma is something 00:12:41.672 --> 00:12:48.954 - that survives because we don't talk about it. So the more that we acknowledge when stigma is there, 00:12:48.954 --> 00:12:56.454 - the more that we challenge those assumptions that are not accurate or true, the less power that stigma 00:12:56.454 --> 00:13:02.206 - has. Because about 78% of Americans believe that addiction is a moral failing. 00:13:02.818 --> 00:13:10.229 - as opposed to recognizing that it is a disease. And that statistic is actually higher in the Midwest. 00:13:10.229 --> 00:13:17.639 - So we still got a lot of work to do. So stigma not only impacts the person living with the addiction, 00:13:17.639 --> 00:13:24.905 - but the family as well. We have, for many decades, delineated that a person with an addiction comes 00:13:24.905 --> 00:13:29.918 - from a bad family. A child living with an addiction has bad parents. 00:13:30.082 --> 00:13:36.662 - The truth is that's not accurate whatsoever. The world is way more complicated than that. And show me 00:13:36.662 --> 00:13:43.177 - a situation in which that harsh judgment has motivated any change. Doesn't happen. That's not how we 00:13:43.177 --> 00:13:49.822 - work. So what's really challenging about the disease of addiction though is that stigma makes us wait. 00:13:50.338 --> 00:13:57.022 - We minimize, we internalize, we don't talk to other people. That means that that disease has time to 00:13:57.022 --> 00:14:03.905 - continue to worsen or intensify in our life and it makes it harder to reach out for help down the road. 00:14:03.905 --> 00:14:10.986 - So when we have the opportunity to work with people who are actively in addiction or their family members, 00:14:10.986 --> 00:14:18.200 - that's a gift because they're overcoming the massive amount of stigma that's been replicated for potentially 00:14:18.200 --> 00:14:20.318 - decades, sometimes generations. 00:14:22.274 --> 00:14:28.461 - So one thing that I always mention in my trainings is the importance of us thinking about our language. 00:14:28.461 --> 00:14:34.469 - And when we're engaging in this work with family and friends, we are going to use slightly different 00:14:34.469 --> 00:14:40.418 - language than if I'm working individually as a recovery coach with somebody with that addiction. So 00:14:40.418 --> 00:14:45.118 - regardless of who I'm working with, I'm going to use my person first language. 00:14:45.410 --> 00:14:53.091 - part of any of this work is separating the person from the problems that they're experiencing and remembering 00:14:53.091 --> 00:15:00.073 - that we are human beings at the end of the day and none of us are perfect. And by adjusting the way 00:15:00.073 --> 00:15:07.195 - that I speak about the disease, the people impacted, and those experiences, that addresses the stigma 00:15:07.195 --> 00:15:11.454 - and adjusts our approach. So we're gonna call it what it is. 00:15:11.554 --> 00:15:18.979 - it's substance use disorder or alcohol use disorder or opioid use disorder depending on if we know our 00:15:18.979 --> 00:15:26.260 - loved one's substances or not. We don't have to know what they're using and how often in order to be 00:15:26.260 --> 00:15:33.469 - a beneficial ally in their life. We also want to stay away from those judgmental terms like junkie, 00:15:33.469 --> 00:15:41.182 - addict, wino, boozer, things like that. That totally depersonalizes and devalues that person's whole life. 00:15:41.442 --> 00:15:47.735 - We were all defined by the hardest part of our lives. I would be the kid who puked every day in fifth 00:15:47.735 --> 00:15:54.029 - grade. Like how does that set me up for success, right? It doesn't. We also wanna be mindful of clean 00:15:54.029 --> 00:16:00.199 - and dirty talk. It is easy for us to say I'm clean and sober or I had a dirty drug screen. We wanna 00:16:00.199 --> 00:16:06.369 - stay away from clean and dirty because that comes with some value judgments or some assumptions. So 00:16:06.369 --> 00:16:08.158 - instead we say that somebody 00:16:08.290 --> 00:16:15.636 - you know, had a positive drug screen or a negative breathalyzer result and just totally staying away 00:16:15.636 --> 00:16:22.909 - from those judgmental words themselves. We also want to adjust our language a little bit when we're 00:16:22.909 --> 00:16:30.619 - talking about setbacks. So we at Overdose Lifeline and in doing this work use the term setback as opposed 00:16:30.619 --> 00:16:32.510 - to lapse, relapse, binge. 00:16:32.706 --> 00:16:40.015 - you know, defining or diagnosing our loved one's use patterns or our own, and instead recognize that 00:16:40.015 --> 00:16:47.324 - we all experience setbacks. Anytime that we're looking to make progress in our lives, we're going to 00:16:47.324 --> 00:16:54.851 - experience setbacks. I set my alarm for 7.30 this morning. I snoozed it till 8.30 and then got up. That 00:16:54.851 --> 00:16:58.686 - was a setback from my plan. Does that mean I failed? 00:16:58.818 --> 00:17:05.411 - No, I still got where I needed to go with pants on, by the way. That's a success, right? So just by 00:17:05.411 --> 00:17:12.136 - adjusting our language and saying things like setback as opposed to elapse or relapse or getting into 00:17:12.136 --> 00:17:18.795 - the nitty gritty of that, we're opening up this recognition that we all have work to do. We all have 00:17:18.795 --> 00:17:25.454 - those setbacks. And it doesn't mean that we failed or we suck. It just means that we're human beings 00:17:25.454 --> 00:17:27.102 - doing complicated stuff. 00:17:27.202 --> 00:17:33.920 - And then lastly, we don't wanna hold people to their pasts. So if somebody has entered recovery or is 00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:40.506 - working on that, we're gonna call them a person recovery or a person seeking recovery as opposed to 00:17:40.506 --> 00:17:47.289 - a former addict or an ex-con or things like that that hold them to the form of themselves in the past. 00:17:47.289 --> 00:17:49.726 - So let's talk a little bit about why 00:17:49.890 --> 00:17:57.980 - Some of our old faithfuls maybe don't work as well or are not as effective as they have been in the 00:17:57.980 --> 00:18:06.312 - past. So part of it is this assumption that many of us have been raised with, that until our loved one 00:18:06.312 --> 00:18:14.726 - hits rock bottom, there's nothing we can do. What is potentially problematic about this statement? Rock 00:18:14.726 --> 00:18:18.366 - bottom has a basement. Everyone's different. 00:18:19.938 --> 00:18:31.486 - What else? Death, did I hear that? Absolutely. Your low K&N will get lower, 100%. Also, if I am basing 00:18:31.486 --> 00:18:43.145 - my well-being on that of another person that I cannot control, what does that say about my life? Right? 00:18:43.145 --> 00:18:47.966 - I know, right? You're like, oh crap, yeah. 00:18:48.194 --> 00:18:54.636 - It's important for us to recognize that if I am in a place where I want my life to look different, then 00:18:54.636 --> 00:19:01.139 - I get to make the steps to make my life look different. And by doing that, I'm one, taking some pressure 00:19:01.139 --> 00:19:07.333 - off my loved one, but two, I'm leading the way. It is not, it does not work for us to say one thing 00:19:07.333 --> 00:19:13.651 - and do another. Learn that if you've got kids. It doesn't matter how old your loved one is. We've got 00:19:13.651 --> 00:19:16.190 - to model the things that we want to see. 00:19:17.794 --> 00:19:24.620 - So if we think about recovery capital, which is the fancy word for saying, the more legs on a table, 00:19:24.620 --> 00:19:31.919 - the more steady and stable it is, the better we can get through hard times. If we broaden our understanding 00:19:31.919 --> 00:19:38.677 - of what recovery capital is, and not only include those services that are specifically and directly 00:19:38.677 --> 00:19:44.286 - serving the individual with the addiction, and also broaden that to recognize that 00:19:44.450 --> 00:19:51.389 - resources for food stability and housing stability, as well as your mental health resources and dental 00:19:51.389 --> 00:19:58.261 - care and all of that. Enhance recovery capital. Let's also put family and friends in the mix as well. 00:19:58.261 --> 00:20:05.133 - If you are serving people who are currently living with addiction or who are in early recovery, who's 00:20:05.133 --> 00:20:12.274 - bringing them to their appointments? Their family members. Who's sitting in the lobby of the jail waiting 00:20:12.274 --> 00:20:13.150 - for a visit? 00:20:13.698 --> 00:20:20.799 - or picking them up. They're family members. Who's in the gallery of the court during their status hearing? 00:20:20.799 --> 00:20:27.502 - They're family members. So we are here. Family members are here. We want to be helpful. And we don't 00:20:27.502 --> 00:20:34.205 - know how. It's where those aren't natural, innate tools that we're born with. The conundrum, though, 00:20:34.205 --> 00:20:36.926 - is that those folks who are best set and 00:20:37.026 --> 00:20:43.642 - Can be prepared to support their loved ones recovery are the ones that are most upset and frustrated 00:20:43.642 --> 00:20:50.258 - and tired by it Right where I've tried 50 million things. I've picked your ass up from jail multiple 00:20:50.258 --> 00:20:56.939 - times max out a credit card paying your bill I'm frustrated and I'm doing those things because I love 00:20:56.939 --> 00:21:03.686 - the crap out of you and I want you to be okay, right? So we're working with people who are in You know 00:21:03.686 --> 00:21:06.110 - a difficult difficult space So again 00:21:06.370 --> 00:21:13.493 - recognizing that you don't have to have taken the substance yourself in order to be impacted by addiction. 00:21:13.493 --> 00:21:20.350 - We are all impacted by addiction. And so in this work we use this metaphor and in public health we use 00:21:20.350 --> 00:21:26.142 - this metaphor that we imagine that we have an ecosystem that all of a sudden is having 00:21:26.306 --> 00:21:33.893 - Situations in which we're seeing trees die or the moss is not growing or there's no longer animals It 00:21:33.893 --> 00:21:41.555 - makes us wonder what's going on and I could look species by species and say why did that specific tree 00:21:41.555 --> 00:21:49.068 - die or I could go to that whole Ecosystem and say what is going on here and it's important for us to 00:21:49.068 --> 00:21:49.886 - adjust our 00:21:50.434 --> 00:21:56.579 - our framework and look bigger because we're not dealing with individuals who are sick. We're dealing 00:21:56.579 --> 00:22:02.906 - with chronic health conditions as a community. And so let's say I decide I'm going to take one of those 00:22:02.906 --> 00:22:09.051 - sick trees out of that sick environment and put it in a healthy ecosystem. That tree will likely get 00:22:09.051 --> 00:22:15.134 - better. But eventually, that tree goes back because it's got to live with its family. Trees get sad 00:22:15.134 --> 00:22:19.454 - if they're not with their own people. So it's going to get sick again. 00:22:19.650 --> 00:22:26.284 - So we are the same way. We have long thought, I will remove that person with the addiction from their 00:22:26.284 --> 00:22:32.788 - environment, I'll send them away to, you know, passages in Malibu, have them go through a treatment 00:22:32.788 --> 00:22:39.422 - program, and then where do they go after that? They come back home, right? So unless that environment 00:22:39.422 --> 00:22:45.991 - has changed and the folks that they will be cohabitating with have a wider view of what's happening, 00:22:45.991 --> 00:22:49.438 - we're likely going to replicate those same patterns. 00:22:50.530 --> 00:22:57.428 - So it is important for us to not only have services that directly address the person with the addiction, 00:22:57.428 --> 00:23:04.589 - but everyone that interacts with them. That includes individuals and systems and our community organizations 00:23:04.589 --> 00:23:08.990 - to better understand how we can be allies in the recovery process. 00:23:09.474 --> 00:23:15.886 - And like I mentioned, these are not innate skills. These are all things that we have to make a conscious 00:23:15.886 --> 00:23:22.053 - decision to do, just like a person in recovery has to make a conscious decision to maintain recovery 00:23:22.053 --> 00:23:28.465 - every day. You don't ever get to a point where you're like, I don't think about it. That doesn't happen. 00:23:28.465 --> 00:23:34.571 - So, craft is a tool or is a model that can help us make that adjustment and support our loved ones, 00:23:34.571 --> 00:23:38.846 - regardless of whether they decide they want to enter recovery or not. 00:23:39.746 --> 00:23:46.691 - So craft is unfortunately not arts and crafts, but it stands for community reinforcement and family 00:23:46.691 --> 00:23:54.121 - training. So it operates under the idea that what I practice and model is what the people that I'm serving 00:23:54.121 --> 00:24:01.066 - will practice and model, which is what they will do within their family, with their loved ones, and 00:24:01.066 --> 00:24:07.038 - then that will create a ripple effect outside of the home into the broader community. 00:24:07.682 --> 00:24:15.185 - Fundamental paradigm shift with craft is recognizing that the only thing the only thing I have control 00:24:15.185 --> 00:24:22.615 - in this world of is myself and That I can have hopes and dreams and wishes and wants for my loved one 00:24:22.615 --> 00:24:29.900 - and until those are their own That will not happen. And so for a lot of us I had this epiphany, you 00:24:29.900 --> 00:24:35.582 - know a couple years ago when you realize I don't know what I want in life and 00:24:35.746 --> 00:24:42.081 - I don't know what I enjoy. I don't know what I dream about, because my whole life's identity has been 00:24:42.081 --> 00:24:48.603 - trying to get my loved one sober. And then you realize, well, that's pretty shitty. I've lived 40 years, 00:24:48.603 --> 00:24:54.939 - and I don't even know what I want. We all deserve to figure out what we want and what we need. So the 00:24:54.939 --> 00:25:01.150 - paradigm in craft is that we're shifting away from trying to control our loved one, because we want 00:25:01.150 --> 00:25:02.206 - them to be safe. 00:25:02.434 --> 00:25:09.632 - And instead, we're going to control our behavior to enhance our own safety and well-being. So with that 00:25:09.632 --> 00:25:16.622 - paradigm shift, we help family members and friends build their sense of self, their community, their 00:25:16.622 --> 00:25:23.682 - connections with others outside of their family. And in doing so, we're addressing that stigma. We're 00:25:23.682 --> 00:25:30.879 - removing that sense of don't talk about that. That's a family matter. Keep it to yourself. And instead, 00:25:30.879 --> 00:25:31.710 - recognizing 00:25:31.810 --> 00:25:38.847 - We all deserve to have social support from other people, and it is easier to find that social support 00:25:38.847 --> 00:25:46.437 - from people who are not related to us, because we don't have to carry the family stories. Because oftentimes, 00:25:46.437 --> 00:25:53.543 - addiction is a tradition that's been handed down in our families from generations. So how we celebrate 00:25:53.543 --> 00:25:58.718 - Christmas to how we deal with drinking, or don't. So the three main goals. 00:25:58.882 --> 00:26:07.842 - the craft program are independent, but the first is to reduce our loved ones use. However, however that 00:26:07.842 --> 00:26:16.458 - looks. It isn't that we are controlling and punishing our way through it, but it's recognizing that 00:26:16.458 --> 00:26:21.886 - harm reduction is an important approach. It's recognizing that 00:26:22.466 --> 00:26:29.277 - For some folks, an abstinence-only approach is not something they will ever do. And that idea, and I 00:26:29.277 --> 00:26:36.087 - don't know where we got this from, but I also grew up with this idea that if a person wants to enter 00:26:36.087 --> 00:26:43.100 - recovery, we rent a hotel room, they sweat out the drugs, and three days later we pick them up and then 00:26:43.100 --> 00:26:49.911 - we move forward. Don't do that. That can be really, really dangerous and devastating. And some folks 00:26:49.911 --> 00:26:51.934 - need medical care in order to 00:26:52.034 --> 00:26:58.864 - detox, other people don't. And so it's important for us to recognize every situation is different. And 00:26:58.864 --> 00:27:05.562 - if I am not the one who is seeking recovery for myself from the substance in that moment, my opinion 00:27:05.562 --> 00:27:12.392 - about what that recovery should look like is irrelevant. It's that person who gets to decide what that 00:27:12.392 --> 00:27:19.023 - what's going to look like. Doesn't mean I don't care. It just means I don't want anybody telling me 00:27:19.023 --> 00:27:21.278 - what to do. Neither does my love. 00:27:22.914 --> 00:27:29.329 - The next is to engage our loved one into treatment, not through forced or coercion, but by highlighting 00:27:29.329 --> 00:27:35.682 - that this is an available, accessible option, because I've done my homework and research and know what 00:27:35.682 --> 00:27:41.911 - we can do. And I'm taking accountability for my own behavior, because I've already entered treatment 00:27:41.911 --> 00:27:48.326 - as a family member. And then the last is to improve our overall family functioning, to reduce conflict, 00:27:48.326 --> 00:27:50.238 - to increase collaboration, and 00:27:50.338 --> 00:27:56.563 - find opportunities to celebrate our relationship, as opposed to rehashing all the terrible things that 00:27:56.563 --> 00:28:02.788 - have ever happened in the context of it. Because we're good at that, right? You tick me off, I'm going 00:28:02.788 --> 00:28:08.832 - to pull up a list of everything that you've done to make me mad, just to remind you. And then where 00:28:08.832 --> 00:28:15.238 - does that get us? Both of us are in our brain stem, because we're both angry and triggered, and we cannot 00:28:15.238 --> 00:28:20.254 - learn or grow. So we're going to disrupt that cycle. So for families specifically, 00:28:20.450 --> 00:28:28.120 - There aren't very many options. Family counseling is available in certain places, but not as widely 00:28:28.120 --> 00:28:36.020 - accessible as we had hoped. We also have things like Elanon or Naranon, which are growing in the state 00:28:36.020 --> 00:28:42.846 - of Indiana, but still are not everywhere. And then what most people have had exposure to 00:28:42.946 --> 00:28:50.056 - either on Dr. Phil or the show on A&E called Intervention is what's called a Johnston Institute Intervention 00:28:50.056 --> 00:28:56.709 - and it is a very specific protocol where a third party is hired, the family writes ultimatum letters, 00:28:56.709 --> 00:29:03.363 - you get your addicted loved one in the room under unclear or false pretenses and set an ultimatum for 00:29:03.363 --> 00:29:04.798 - them that unless they 00:29:04.994 --> 00:29:10.915 - you know, go to the place that you've picked for them, you're going to disconnect from them. And while 00:29:10.915 --> 00:29:16.892 - in certain cases where the safety risk is really high, that might be your final option for the majority 00:29:16.892 --> 00:29:22.870 - of families, that's not the option that they want to take. Because one, your family member's gonna come 00:29:22.870 --> 00:29:28.676 - back home. Two, if I love the crap out of my loved one, and I do, he's very important to me, I'm not 00:29:28.676 --> 00:29:34.654 - going to be able to create an ultimatum like that. That's not the way that I want to interact with him. 00:29:34.850 --> 00:29:43.003 - So craft gives us another option. It recognizes that the disease of addiction is complicated, and all 00:29:43.003 --> 00:29:51.317 - of this lives in the gray. There is research that has shown the efficacy of craft, and the studies were 00:29:51.317 --> 00:29:59.870 - done in 2010, 2015, and then replicated again recently. And I've shown that the craft approach is the most 00:30:00.162 --> 00:30:09.936 - effective in engaging people who were previously resistant to treatment to at least engage in some sort 00:30:09.936 --> 00:30:19.710 - of recovery behavior. So here's your, if you're a numbers person, which I am not, there's your data. So 00:30:20.066 --> 00:30:26.665 - As I mentioned earlier, CRAFT is a harm reduction approach that utilizes a motivational model. 00:30:26.665 --> 00:30:33.681 - So historically, we have, and still do, try to use a punishment model, right? You mess up, you go to 00:30:33.681 --> 00:30:40.767 - timeout. You mess up, you get arrested. You mess up, we shun you. And realizing if that method worked 00:30:40.767 --> 00:30:46.046 - for everybody, our jails would be empty, right? Because we arrest you once, 00:30:46.178 --> 00:30:55.490 - You set your tush in jail, you get out and you're like, I never wanna do that again, and you don't. 00:30:55.490 --> 00:31:05.546 - Why doesn't that approach work? What does real life tell us? Yeah, I don't have the skills to live outside, 00:31:05.546 --> 00:31:13.182 - or I don't have the support. Yeah, we're dealing with a chronic health condition. 00:31:14.018 --> 00:31:23.842 - It doesn't care where you are. Any other potentially challenging things that we've seen in trying to 00:31:23.842 --> 00:31:33.958 - punish our way through this? Yeah, I'm gonna just try not to get caught. Just now I'm gonna add another 00:31:33.958 --> 00:31:43.198 - layer to my stigma by trying to withdraw even further. So hot mess. So the motivational model, 00:31:43.362 --> 00:31:50.106 - does not negate the fact that there are safety concerns and risks involved in addiction. We're not pretending 00:31:50.106 --> 00:31:56.543 - that those things aren't true. That's why I carry my naloxone. That's why I carry test strips. If you've 00:31:56.543 --> 00:32:02.674 - never touched or seen those things, I have them so that you can look at them. They're demonstration 00:32:02.674 --> 00:32:06.782 - ones, so there's no medication in it, but that way you can see it. 00:32:06.882 --> 00:32:13.818 - saying that everything's fine, but it is recognizing that the more that we try to scold our way out 00:32:13.818 --> 00:32:20.893 - of the problem, the harder it is to treat. So, if we can instead of punish all of the bad things that 00:32:20.893 --> 00:32:28.315 - we don't wanna see, and instead celebrate the things that we do wanna see, we're going to create healthier 00:32:28.315 --> 00:32:35.389 - patterns of behavior. And then we feel better, right? No one wants to be the bad guy. No one wants to 00:32:35.389 --> 00:32:36.638 - be the nasty guy. 00:32:36.738 --> 00:32:44.846 - That motivational approach is not our reflex, because that lives up here, not back here. So it takes 00:32:44.846 --> 00:32:53.275 - practice, which is why there's a whole model about it. So the model of craft that we're using in Indiana 00:32:53.275 --> 00:33:01.383 - is a 12-week educational model. It originally came from our friends in Utah, Yusara, who created the 00:33:01.383 --> 00:33:03.390 - first iteration of this. 00:33:03.522 --> 00:33:10.043 - And then when we brought it to Indiana in 2020, we added some additional content to make it a little 00:33:10.043 --> 00:33:16.823 - more user friendly. And the model itself is to be facilitated by peers. So that could be a peer recovery 00:33:16.823 --> 00:33:23.473 - coach. It could be a clinician. It could be a member of clergy. It doesn't matter what the letters are 00:33:23.473 --> 00:33:30.188 - behind your name. It matters that you have a heart and an openness to listen. So I love that model that 00:33:30.188 --> 00:33:32.254 - I never check your credentials. 00:33:32.482 --> 00:33:39.683 - if you are compassionate and non-judgmental. And the focus of the craft sessions is learning a skill 00:33:39.683 --> 00:33:46.956 - and implementing it in life. So this might feel different than other, you know, weekly support groups 00:33:46.956 --> 00:33:54.443 - or things because we are not focused on what has happened. We're not rehashing or retelling the stories. 00:33:54.443 --> 00:33:59.006 - You're also not there to talk about your loved one's addiction. 00:33:59.522 --> 00:34:05.830 - You're there to identify how you feel, what your experiences and what your options are to move forward. 00:34:05.830 --> 00:34:11.955 - So everything is based on learning a skill, acquiring the skill and implementing it in our lives. So 00:34:11.955 --> 00:34:18.263 - some of the skills that craft itself provides are how do we build strong, true, deep relationships with 00:34:18.263 --> 00:34:24.510 - the people that we love? How do we positively reward healthier, safer behavior? That's harm reduction. 00:34:25.250 --> 00:34:32.803 - How do we reflect on our own patterns of communication to identify times where we have created conflict 00:34:32.803 --> 00:34:40.500 - and instead how can we create collaboration? Our approach makes a big difference. Also, how do we address 00:34:40.500 --> 00:34:47.835 - problems by separating facts from feelings and objectively looking at what are our other options? We 00:34:47.835 --> 00:34:51.902 - also look at how to build our own motivation to change. 00:34:52.066 --> 00:34:58.161 - Change is hard, change is scary. And if I'm expecting my loved one to change their whole life, me first. 00:34:58.161 --> 00:35:04.257 - We've got to lead by example. We also look at patterns of behavior to identify when are the better times 00:35:04.257 --> 00:35:10.352 - for us to have a tough conversation? When are the times where I'm not regulated enough or settled enough 00:35:10.352 --> 00:35:16.157 - to have that conversation? What are some of the warning signs that my loved one isn't in a place to 00:35:16.157 --> 00:35:19.582 - listen? Again, just to reduce that potential for conflict. 00:35:20.386 --> 00:35:26.744 - We also identify red flags for safety concerns. So what are the experiences that you've had in your 00:35:26.744 --> 00:35:33.165 - family or in your dynamic that have told you maybe we need to separate ourselves from that situation 00:35:33.165 --> 00:35:39.714 - or make a different plan regarding safety along with other things. So key components of the model. The 00:35:39.714 --> 00:35:46.072 - first is that it's an open group model, which is a little bit different than the language for AA or 00:35:46.072 --> 00:35:49.950 - NA. In this case, it means that people can join at any week. 00:35:50.274 --> 00:35:56.497 - So they don't have to wait until you are facilitating session one to join. If you're on session five 00:35:56.497 --> 00:36:02.720 - and that person is ready, let's get them in that week. That way we don't lose that momentum and that 00:36:02.720 --> 00:36:06.910 - interest. So whenever that person is ready, let's get them started. 00:36:07.490 --> 00:36:13.373 - It's also important to recognize that it is not a tool for reunification. So there would not be a time 00:36:13.373 --> 00:36:19.198 - where that addicted loved one and their family member would be in group at the same time. We need our 00:36:19.198 --> 00:36:23.710 - own space to process and think through things. It's also when I'm facilitating 00:36:23.810 --> 00:36:29.403 - and I'm meeting folks and making those referrals, it is rare that I have family members from the same 00:36:29.403 --> 00:36:34.995 - family attend at the same time, because while we might be impacted by the same loved one's addiction, 00:36:34.995 --> 00:36:40.643 - the way we are impacted is going to be different. So my relationship with my brother is different than 00:36:40.643 --> 00:36:46.291 - my sister's relationship with him. So the way that we need to learn those skills and things that we're 00:36:46.291 --> 00:36:51.006 - thinking about are going to be different, and so I try to create space for everybody. 00:36:51.682 --> 00:36:57.800 - It is not therapy. It might have a therapeutic benefit, but it's meant to be facilitated from peers. 00:36:57.800 --> 00:37:03.857 - So we're not doing things like, you know, pulling back the curtain on co-dependence or measurements 00:37:03.857 --> 00:37:10.398 - or things like that. Cause that is what a trained clinician would do. It is evidence-based and the research 00:37:10.398 --> 00:37:12.094 - continues to be replicated. 00:37:12.674 --> 00:37:18.545 - And then lastly, it's specifically for people who have some sort of contact or interaction with their 00:37:18.545 --> 00:37:24.302 - addicted loved one. It doesn't mean that you have to see them every day. They could be incarcerated 00:37:24.302 --> 00:37:30.346 - and you send them emails. That still counts, but it's hard to help motivate somebody and celebrate their 00:37:30.346 --> 00:37:36.275 - healthier, safer choices if you're not interacting with them at all. So these are the 10 messages that 00:37:36.275 --> 00:37:38.462 - are shared and reinforced throughout. 00:37:38.818 --> 00:37:44.642 - the craft model that give you a sense of this paradigm shift and this adjustment that we're making in 00:37:44.642 --> 00:37:50.409 - our interactions with others. So the first is that we can learn new things. That I've tried the same 00:37:50.409 --> 00:37:56.119 - things over and over again, not because they work, but because it's all I know. And it might be all 00:37:56.119 --> 00:38:02.001 - I know because that's what my mom knew and my grandma knew and so on. So I'm able to reflect and learn 00:38:02.001 --> 00:38:02.686 - new things. 00:38:03.106 --> 00:38:08.911 - The next is that I'm not alone. Stigma tells us that we're bad people, that's why we're experiencing 00:38:08.911 --> 00:38:14.659 - these things, and we need to keep it to ourselves. Instead, when we're in a group of others who are 00:38:14.659 --> 00:38:20.579 - like, I totally get what you were saying, it addresses some of that stigma, brings some relief, brings 00:38:20.579 --> 00:38:26.384 - us out of the darkness. The next, and potentially most important, we can catch more flies with honey 00:38:26.384 --> 00:38:28.798 - than vinegar. You're allowed to be angry. 00:38:29.122 --> 00:38:35.898 - You're allowed to be disappointed. But if you talk to somebody like an a-hole, you're going to get it 00:38:35.898 --> 00:38:42.608 - back, right? And then you're going to be upset that they don't want to have a conversation with you. 00:38:42.608 --> 00:38:49.252 - Were you pleasant to them to start with? Probably not. The next is, I have as many tries as I want. 00:38:49.252 --> 00:38:56.294 - If you are still interested in making changes in your life, we still have attempts to make things better. 00:38:56.294 --> 00:38:58.686 - This really speaks to the fact that 00:38:59.874 --> 00:39:06.773 - The previous things that we've tried were not a failure. It's just information of the things that do 00:39:06.773 --> 00:39:13.673 - not work. The next is that we can live a happier life regardless of what our loved one does. That if 00:39:13.673 --> 00:39:20.572 - I have based my identity and value in the well-being of other people, I've missed the opportunity to 00:39:20.572 --> 00:39:27.198 - take care of myself, and I need to readjust. Next is that it helps my family when I help myself. 00:39:28.354 --> 00:39:35.032 - Stepping away from that hover mode, if you will, for my family member, recognizing that's not helpful. 00:39:35.032 --> 00:39:41.646 - And instead, putting that time and energy toward myself is productive for the family. Next is that no 00:39:41.646 --> 00:39:48.389 - one in these situations is crazy. We might have been exposed to things that are hard to believe. I have 00:39:48.389 --> 00:39:55.262 - seen things that I would have never imagined before, trying to find my loved one in trap houses in Marion 00:39:55.262 --> 00:39:57.726 - County. You learn a lot really quick. 00:39:58.242 --> 00:40:04.034 - But that doesn't mean any of us are crazy. We're dealing with the side effects of a chronic disease. 00:40:04.034 --> 00:40:09.941 - The next is that the world of substance misuse is not black and white. There's not a one size fits all 00:40:09.941 --> 00:40:16.192 - solution. And this is really challenging, particularly if you are a person who is in recovery from substance 00:40:16.192 --> 00:40:21.927 - use disorder. You absolutely know what works for you. And that's legitimate. And it's not likely to 00:40:21.927 --> 00:40:26.974 - work for your family member. And that is really frustrating. Because you know it works. 00:40:28.034 --> 00:40:34.191 - The next is that labels do more harm than good. So as family members and friends, we need to stay out 00:40:34.191 --> 00:40:40.227 - of diagnostic land or label land and instead acknowledge that we're dealing with a chronic disease. 00:40:40.227 --> 00:40:46.686 - And then lastly, we have nothing to lose. So oftentimes, people feel like this shift away from controlling 00:40:46.686 --> 00:40:52.903 - our loved one or trying to control their choices is like letting them go. And instead, it's not. We're 00:40:52.903 --> 00:40:56.766 - just letting go of the things that we cannot manage or control. 00:40:57.378 --> 00:41:05.004 - so that we can keep them. Because if I continue to try to control them over and over again, I further 00:41:05.004 --> 00:41:12.032 - lose myself. So, are we ready to practice some of these skills? See what this actually means? 00:41:12.032 --> 00:41:20.032 - Make it live, if you will. So, before we talk about that, the curriculum itself is meant to be facilitated 00:41:20.032 --> 00:41:26.462 - in person or virtually, so you can best meet the needs of the people in front of you. 00:41:26.562 --> 00:41:33.327 - We also have it available in English and Spanish. And currently, we just got it extended. So for a whole 00:41:33.327 --> 00:41:40.092 - nother year, we have grant funding through Overdose Lifeline for the facilitator training, the materials 00:41:40.092 --> 00:41:46.728 - for facilitators, and the materials for your group participants. So there would be no fee to implement 00:41:46.728 --> 00:41:53.300 - this as an asset to your program. And I found that out this morning. So that's exciting. So thank you 00:41:53.300 --> 00:41:54.782 - for our grant funders. 00:41:55.426 --> 00:42:02.138 - So this is the recipe, if you will, for a craft session. There is consistency with each of the sessions, 00:42:02.138 --> 00:42:08.722 - one, to ensure that there's fidelity to the model, and two, to ensure that regardless of when a person 00:42:08.722 --> 00:42:15.434 - joins, they have a good experience and are set up for success. What I'm handing out right now is a cheat 00:42:15.434 --> 00:42:21.954 - sheet for a skill that we're gonna learn here in a moment called pious communication. It's gonna help 00:42:21.954 --> 00:42:25.086 - us practice making that adjustment from punitive 00:42:25.442 --> 00:42:38.426 - collaborative and who doesn't like a cheat sheet right so while I'm handing these out any thoughts or 00:42:38.426 --> 00:42:51.664 - questions that have come up so far just like let's work smarter not harder thank you yes please correct 00:42:51.664 --> 00:42:54.974 - correct because the those 00:42:56.706 --> 00:43:03.735 - periods of readiness might not align. So like, you might be ready to make a change and your loved one 00:43:03.735 --> 00:43:10.833 - with the addiction might not be ready yet. So yes, this would not be for your addicted loved one. This 00:43:10.833 --> 00:43:17.862 - is just for the family member or friend that's providing support or coworker or neighbor or your aunt 00:43:17.862 --> 00:43:23.582 - who's really your mom's best friend. Family is a family of choice situation. Yeah. 00:43:33.090 --> 00:43:40.846 - delete a group. Yeah. Absolutely. Great question. So the question was, what if I have somebody who would 00:43:40.846 --> 00:43:48.380 - potentially want to access a craft group? So on the overdose lifeline website, overdose lifeline.org, 00:43:48.380 --> 00:43:56.136 - there's a page about craft and I have a map that has all the existing groups in Indiana that are running 00:43:56.136 --> 00:44:03.006 - with the location and the facilitator name so that way they can reach out and get connected. 00:44:05.794 --> 00:44:12.316 - So the training would be if you want to facilitate a craft group. And I do that too. That's why I travel 00:44:12.316 --> 00:44:18.776 - across the state. So as I mentioned, people can join at any point. That way we don't kind of lose their 00:44:18.776 --> 00:44:24.988 - momentum if they're ready to make a change. But each session, we spend a significant amount of time 00:44:24.988 --> 00:44:31.262 - in both the homework review and the group check-in talking about implementing the skill in our life. 00:44:31.810 --> 00:44:38.713 - So this is, again, we're not rehashing past things. We're not talking about our loved one's disease. 00:44:38.713 --> 00:44:45.752 - We're talking about our own life, how this is showing up, and the things that we can do to make things 00:44:45.752 --> 00:44:52.586 - feel healthier and safer for ourselves. So each session is supported by excerpts from the book, Get 00:44:52.586 --> 00:44:59.694 - Your Loved One Sober, as well as activities in a workbook. So we're being very intentional on providing 00:44:59.694 --> 00:45:00.446 - the skill, 00:45:00.642 --> 00:45:07.282 - Opportunity to understand the skill and implement the skill so that way that keeps our Our lane out 00:45:07.282 --> 00:45:14.120 - of therapy world and very much in psychoeducation world And here's an overview of each of the Sessions 00:45:14.120 --> 00:45:21.026 - and topics so you can start to to see what we're looking at but the first session is Understanding that 00:45:21.026 --> 00:45:27.798 - change is a process and that we've done the same things over and over again not because they work But 00:45:27.798 --> 00:45:29.790 - because it's what we know how 00:45:31.522 --> 00:45:39.899 - The next is about communication. So in this week we look at the impact of our communication and take 00:45:39.899 --> 00:45:48.192 - some accountability for that, because sometimes our intention and our impact are not the same thing 00:45:48.192 --> 00:45:56.569 - and we're accountable for both. Then we spend some time looking at past patterns of behaviors to see 00:45:56.569 --> 00:45:58.974 - where have I recognized that 00:45:59.202 --> 00:46:06.014 - things get a little more tense or when my loved one is more likely to use than not and how can I use 00:46:06.014 --> 00:46:12.760 - that information to inform my decisions moving forward. Then the fourth session is about safety and 00:46:12.760 --> 00:46:19.774 - past experiences of violence, figuring out how do we set boundaries or a safety plan in place depending 00:46:19.774 --> 00:46:22.270 - on what those experiences have been. 00:46:23.042 --> 00:46:30.958 - Session five is an opportunity for us to reflect on our own well-being, our own happiness, and start 00:46:30.958 --> 00:46:39.031 - to take responsibility for how we feel, or to even acknowledge how we feel. And then with that we look 00:46:39.031 --> 00:46:47.182 - at how we can make healthier and safer choices to model that for our loved one. And then we learn about 00:46:47.182 --> 00:46:51.806 - how to celebrate our own wins and successes so that we can 00:46:51.970 --> 00:46:59.417 - navigate session eight, which is recognizing that, again, what my intention and my impact are different 00:46:59.417 --> 00:47:06.935 - things, and I'm responsible for both, and that things that I have done that I realize might have allowed 00:47:06.935 --> 00:47:14.095 - my loved one's substance use to continue weren't malicious, that's coming from a place of love, and 00:47:14.095 --> 00:47:21.470 - I have an opportunity to reflect on what that looks like and make the next best choice moving forward. 00:47:22.178 --> 00:47:27.992 - Because yeah, when your family member calls you and they're like, hey, we need food to pack in your 00:47:27.992 --> 00:47:34.155 - niece's lunches, my first instinct is, of course, Venmo you 50 bucks so you can get groceries. The impact 00:47:34.155 --> 00:47:40.144 - is that they went out and bought drugs. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad person because my intention was 00:47:40.144 --> 00:47:40.958 - that you have 00:47:41.122 --> 00:47:46.243 - food for my nieces, right? The impact is that they were able to continue to support their addiction, 00:47:46.243 --> 00:47:51.364 - right? Because that is what makes sense to them. So now I have a responsibility to look back at that 00:47:51.364 --> 00:47:56.536 - situation and make a different choice moving forward. So I'm going to take my nieces that will go buy 00:47:56.536 --> 00:48:01.860 - the groceries that they want. And yes, they can have goldfish for breakfast because I don't care, right? 00:48:01.860 --> 00:48:04.446 - This is food. And that's what I eat for breakfast. 00:48:05.890 --> 00:48:12.603 - Then session nine is about problem solving, where we separate fact from feeling and look at, what are 00:48:12.603 --> 00:48:19.250 - my other options? What are the other things I can do? What is an outside, what feels like outside of 00:48:19.250 --> 00:48:26.161 - the box option? Because we've gotta do something different. And then session 10, we put all those things 00:48:26.161 --> 00:48:27.806 - together and figure out, 00:48:27.906 --> 00:48:35.093 - How can we help our loved one build motivation to change? How can we celebrate their wins and successes 00:48:35.093 --> 00:48:42.487 - and recognize when things are healthier and safer as well? Then session 11, we have our group participants 00:48:42.487 --> 00:48:49.467 - do some homework to recognize that treatment can be many different things. There are different types 00:48:49.467 --> 00:48:55.134 - of treatment. Not everything is accessible everywhere. Some things are expensive. 00:48:55.234 --> 00:49:00.411 - figure out what insurance covers, what as a family can we afford, not because we are creating the plan 00:49:00.411 --> 00:49:05.437 - for our loved one, but instead, we're going to have that information in the back of our head. So if 00:49:05.437 --> 00:49:10.614 - our loved one opens the door and says, hey, I need help, that's not the moment that you talk to Google 00:49:10.614 --> 00:49:15.740 - and figure out what we're doing. Because the top three things on Google are the places that pay to be 00:49:15.740 --> 00:49:20.766 - on the top three things in Google and aren't necessarily the resources that are local or available. 00:49:22.274 --> 00:49:30.807 - And then lastly is talking about setback prevention. So recognizing in the past, what are those indications 00:49:30.807 --> 00:49:38.707 - that our loved one is likely to have a setback? What are the indications that we are likely to have 00:49:38.707 --> 00:49:46.608 - a setback? And how can we strategize for that? Okay, so now we get to practice. So we're gonna come 00:49:46.608 --> 00:49:50.558 - back to this. So I want you to look at your card. 00:49:50.882 --> 00:49:58.736 - your cheat sheet that I gave you. So with communication, oftentimes we find ourselves in a place where 00:49:58.736 --> 00:50:06.743 - we are trying to nag, scold, berate, remind, or logic our way into our loved one's brain. And that might 00:50:06.743 --> 00:50:14.368 - work if our loved one is living in their prefrontal cortex. But we know when they're living with an 00:50:14.368 --> 00:50:17.342 - addiction, they are in survival brain. 00:50:17.602 --> 00:50:23.732 - So it's not going to listen to those things. But it is going to listen when we are safe, regulated, 00:50:23.732 --> 00:50:29.924 - connected, stable, consistent. So we have a responsibility to regulate and be mindful of what we are 00:50:29.924 --> 00:50:36.054 - saying to our loved one to increase the likelihood that they hear us. So this is how we do that. We 00:50:36.054 --> 00:50:42.246 - use our seven positive communication components. When we're talking about positive communication, it 00:50:42.246 --> 00:50:46.782 - does not mean that everything is rainbows and sunshine, because it's not. 00:50:47.138 --> 00:50:53.701 - People don't want to be spoken to that way. Instead, it's talking about what we want to see or what 00:50:53.701 --> 00:51:00.657 - we need as opposed to listing all the things that we don't. Because if the listing the don't list worked, 00:51:00.657 --> 00:51:07.483 - we wouldn't be here because we've all tried that. The first is to be brief. We're focusing on one thing 00:51:07.483 --> 00:51:11.486 - at a time. Otherwise, we sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. 00:51:11.714 --> 00:51:18.075 - The next is to be positive, again, identifying what we want to see as opposed to listing what we don't. 00:51:18.075 --> 00:51:24.313 - And the really challenging part of this is to extend the best possible interpretation. We're going to 00:51:24.313 --> 00:51:30.613 - believe what people tell us until their behavior communicates something differently. I have to believe 00:51:30.613 --> 00:51:35.934 - that change is possible and there's an opportunity for it to happen, for it to happen. 00:51:37.186 --> 00:51:43.676 - The next is to be specific and clear. We're working with a chronic disease. We are all tired and exhausted, 00:51:43.676 --> 00:51:49.745 - sometimes financially overwhelmed. We've got to keep it simple, focus on one thing at a time. We are 00:51:49.745 --> 00:51:55.814 - responsible for identifying and labeling and expressing our feelings as opposed to assuming that our 00:51:55.814 --> 00:52:01.342 - loved one is going to mind read and understand what they are. So that's our responsibility. 00:52:02.082 --> 00:52:10.172 - We can also share some understanding, not that we know exactly what it's like to live with the addiction 00:52:10.172 --> 00:52:18.031 - that they're living with, but to show some empathy. Empathy is not weakness, it's quite the opposite. 00:52:18.031 --> 00:52:25.735 - Next, and this is oftentimes the most difficult part, second to feelings, is taking responsibility. 00:52:25.735 --> 00:52:26.814 - Part of this, 00:52:27.330 --> 00:52:33.661 - Healing and helping our loved one create the foundations for recovery is recognizing that we have also 00:52:33.661 --> 00:52:39.808 - done harm. I have cussed my sibling out on the phone. I have ignored them for long periods of time. 00:52:39.808 --> 00:52:45.955 - That was harmful. So I'm responsible for taking accountability for that, recognizing that harm, and 00:52:45.955 --> 00:52:52.348 - making a different choice moving forward. And sometimes it is, I love you and I can't talk to you right 00:52:52.348 --> 00:52:54.622 - now, as opposed to just hanging out. 00:52:55.586 --> 00:53:03.154 - And then lastly is to offer to help. If we know that the antidote to addiction is connection, then the 00:53:03.154 --> 00:53:10.649 - hope is that we can figure out ways to interact moving forward that are not surrounded by me rescuing 00:53:10.649 --> 00:53:18.071 - or trying to fix or solve my loved one's problems, but instead doing things that we thoroughly enjoy 00:53:18.071 --> 00:53:25.566 - together or can at least tolerate. So what you have on your card in front of you is the acronym PIAS. 00:53:25.698 --> 00:53:32.716 - which is a communication model that helps, one, helps us slow down, and two, communicate intentionally. 00:53:32.716 --> 00:53:39.733 - The goal is to reduce the likelihood of conflict and create collaboration. It does not mean we're going 00:53:39.733 --> 00:53:46.751 - to agree. It does not mean that everything that we say is going to land with our loved one, but it does 00:53:46.751 --> 00:53:53.566 - mean that we are taking steps to change those dynamics. So the first is to say it in a positive way. 00:53:53.698 --> 00:54:00.168 - So list what we want to see as opposed to all the things that we don't. We're going to use our I message 00:54:00.168 --> 00:54:06.330 - to express a feeling and be mindful because it's easy to say, well, I feel angry when you come home 00:54:06.330 --> 00:54:12.616 - late. That's still pretty blaming. So we're going to try to figure out how do we say that in a kinder 00:54:12.616 --> 00:54:19.024 - way. We're also going to offer an understanding statement. Again, this is not I totally understand what 00:54:19.024 --> 00:54:23.646 - it's like to be you, but it's offering some sort of compassion or empathy. 00:54:23.746 --> 00:54:30.040 - So I remember the first time I had a conversation with my addicted loved one, I said, hey, dude, I've 00:54:30.040 --> 00:54:36.396 - been thinking the last three days of how to even talk to you about this. I sweat through my shirt. I'm 00:54:36.396 --> 00:54:42.628 - so anxious. And this is really important to me. So that showed I don't have everything together. I'm 00:54:42.628 --> 00:54:48.798 - not coming from a holier-than-thou place. I'm coming from a this is important. I'm also overwhelmed 00:54:48.798 --> 00:54:50.526 - and uncertain. Here we are. 00:54:51.746 --> 00:54:58.475 - And then lastly is to share the responsibility. It is not taking responsibility for the addiction, but 00:54:58.475 --> 00:55:05.465 - instead, what are we going to do moving forward? What am I willing to do? Because we're trying to maintain 00:55:05.465 --> 00:55:12.064 - and build relationship. So let's practice. So here's something that you might say. So we're going to 00:55:12.064 --> 00:55:18.793 - read this first. So do you really have to hang out with your friends after work tonight? You know that 00:55:18.793 --> 00:55:21.406 - I don't like you hanging out with them. 00:55:21.506 --> 00:55:31.684 - You always wind up drunk when you go to happy hour. So if you were the addicted loved one, what is your 00:55:31.684 --> 00:55:41.667 - response likely going to be? What am I going to hear? That's right. Yeah. So not like a collaborative 00:55:41.667 --> 00:55:48.126 - kind thing. Cause now I'm triggered. I'm in my brain stem, right? 00:55:48.930 --> 00:55:58.299 - What else might you hear from an addicted loved one? If this is your, how you meet them at the door. 00:55:58.299 --> 00:56:07.669 - They might ignore me and walk away. I heard you say something. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have to go to the 00:56:07.669 --> 00:56:17.131 - bar. I'll just go in the kitchen. Right. Yeah. So then what did we accomplish? My behavior reinforced 00:56:17.131 --> 00:56:18.430 - that pattern. 00:56:18.754 --> 00:56:25.055 - Right? They're gonna continue to drink. I'm gonna continue to fester in my anger. We didn't make any 00:56:25.055 --> 00:56:31.543 - progress. So instead, if we look at using those pious communication techniques, we're gonna try to take 00:56:31.543 --> 00:56:37.907 - the sting out of things. It doesn't mean that I'm pretending that things aren't happening or that I'm 00:56:37.907 --> 00:56:44.894 - not impacted by it whatsoever, but I'm going to reduce the likelihood that I get the F you or the ignore you or 00:56:44.994 --> 00:56:52.598 - Watch it watch me. I'm going to prove prove you wrong kind of thing or prove you right in this case 00:56:52.598 --> 00:57:00.278 - so what might a positive approach a catching flies with honey versus vinegar approach sound like any 00:57:00.278 --> 00:57:07.198 - thoughts there's not one right answer, but What might start to make this adjustment? Yeah? 00:57:17.986 --> 00:57:28.532 - So recognizing that your loved one having friends, whether you like the friends or not, is a strength. 00:57:28.532 --> 00:57:38.873 - And that's what we can build upon, 100%. What else? What's another strategy? What's another way that 00:57:38.873 --> 00:57:47.166 - a pious statement could sound? Yeah? Yeah. Because it's a normal assumption that 00:57:47.618 --> 00:58:00.340 - your loved one is going to assume that you're angry at them. So to be able to clarify that is a huge 00:58:00.340 --> 00:58:12.936 - adjustment. Yeah. So either way, we didn't make progress forward. Right. What else could we try? My 00:58:12.936 --> 00:58:17.470 - approach has been, and this is when 00:58:17.794 --> 00:58:24.803 - I can have time to sleep, but I'm the DD till 10. Safety is important to me after that. You gotta figure 00:58:24.803 --> 00:58:32.012 - out something else, right? So I'm still allowed to set boundaries of what I'm willing to do. Harm reduction 00:58:32.012 --> 00:58:38.820 - is important to me, and I gotta go night-night. Otherwise, I'm very cranky in the morning. Okay, what 00:58:38.820 --> 00:58:42.558 - about this one? I hate what you've done to this family. 00:58:42.690 --> 00:58:51.498 - Your selfishness is embarrassing and people keep asking me questions about why you are the way that 00:58:51.498 --> 00:59:00.395 - you are. I must be the worst parent ever. What's potentially problematic about this? Because we said 00:59:00.395 --> 00:59:09.555 - it, right? Yeah. Yeah. You are. Yes. You're terrible. Yes. So what's potentially problematic about this 00:59:09.555 --> 00:59:12.638 - statement? Yeah. Easily a defense. 00:59:12.898 --> 00:59:20.684 - I remember you were glued right back at you. And I want to be clear that those responses, that's not 00:59:20.684 --> 00:59:28.778 - addiction behavior. That's being a human being. We all do that. That, you know, turn it around and throw 00:59:28.778 --> 00:59:37.566 - it back, right? So I want to be clear about that. What else is potentially problematic about this approach? Yeah. 00:59:44.610 --> 00:59:52.578 - Yeah, so now I feel guilt or shame about how my mom or my dad feel. Now I feel responsible for taking 00:59:52.578 --> 01:00:00.625 - care of them. That is outside of what I can actually manage. So now I have a risk factor for continued 01:00:00.625 --> 01:00:08.594 - use. Right? Well, the assumption that it's about my selfishness as opposed to my private selfishness. 01:00:08.594 --> 01:00:12.734 - That's right. Selfishness has nothing to do with it. 01:00:13.666 --> 01:00:21.511 - So we're also making some assumptions and mind reading here. So if we use our pious approach, what could 01:00:21.511 --> 01:00:29.206 - this sound like instead? Remembering that it doesn't mean that our loved one is going to totally agree 01:00:29.206 --> 01:00:36.827 - with us or even listen to us, but reduce the likelihood that it gets thrown back at us or is harmful. 01:00:36.827 --> 01:00:41.310 - You wouldn't say anything at all because you don't have to. 01:00:43.874 --> 01:00:51.582 - So very insightful. And that is the key component of craft, that instead of responding in a negative 01:00:51.582 --> 01:00:59.443 - way, we either respond in a positive way or we don't. And that is hard, right? Because we haven't been 01:00:59.443 --> 01:01:07.151 - taught that setting that boundary or creating some distance is a good thing, but that's essential. I 01:01:07.151 --> 01:01:11.806 - don't have to respond to everything. What else could we try? 01:01:24.866 --> 01:01:33.638 - totally changing our dynamic, totally changing our approach. Do I need them to know that their behavior 01:01:33.638 --> 01:01:42.158 - and their disease has impacted our family? Guess what? They already know. I don't need to project my 01:01:42.158 --> 01:01:48.062 - assumptions or perspective on them. So what do I need to communicate? 01:01:59.522 --> 01:02:06.006 - So we might ask an open-ended question to gather some feedback from them, as opposed to making an assumption. 01:02:06.006 --> 01:02:06.654 - What else? 01:02:30.754 --> 01:02:37.102 - learning. Thank you for that feedback. I'm learning 100%. That is not fun. But it's super important. 01:02:37.102 --> 01:02:43.513 - Other things that are important to say, I love you. You're important to me. It feels good when you're 01:02:43.513 --> 01:02:49.986 - in this house. I love walking home or coming in from work and seeing you on the couch. Good, you know, 01:02:49.986 --> 01:02:56.774 - giggling at a YouTube video. Love that. So I don't need to remind my loved one that they have an addiction. 01:02:56.774 --> 01:03:00.734 - They know that I don't need to remind them that it impacts me. 01:03:00.994 --> 01:03:09.140 - They know that, because I've certainly told them. So instead, I need to reinforce the things that they 01:03:09.140 --> 01:03:17.286 - likely haven't heard from me or from anybody in a while. They matter. They're important. We care about 01:03:17.286 --> 01:03:25.195 - them. Their safety is important. We love that they're a part of our family. So that totally changes 01:03:25.195 --> 01:03:30.494 - things. What's it feel like to think about that adjustment? Scary. 01:03:33.218 --> 01:03:41.106 - What else comes up when you're like, instead of addressing the addiction, I'm asking you to tell them 01:03:41.106 --> 01:03:49.457 - that you love them? Rewiring of the brain. So which means it's not a one-time thing. We've got to practice. 01:03:49.457 --> 01:03:57.654 - We've got to build that muscle. And these are not reflexes that we are built with. So it takes intention. 01:03:57.654 --> 01:04:02.526 - Part of this communication adjustment as well sometimes means, 01:04:03.746 --> 01:04:11.412 - I hear you end, I use the restroom, and then let's have this conversation. Or I'm gonna take a walk 01:04:11.412 --> 01:04:18.466 - around the block because I wanna lock in on this conversation, that's important, because we 01:04:18.466 --> 01:04:26.592 - have a responsibility to be regulated as well. All right, so, Craft, the model itself, can be facilitated 01:04:26.592 --> 01:04:31.422 - as a support group or skill development one-on-one with folks. 01:04:31.522 --> 01:04:39.241 - So if you are facilitating within a support group, these are some of the things to be mindful of that 01:04:39.241 --> 01:04:46.885 - ensure that we as facilitators are modeling the skills that we want our participants to utilize with 01:04:46.885 --> 01:04:54.908 - their family members. So the first is that we have to figure out what our boundaries are, what our limits 01:04:54.908 --> 01:04:59.070 - are, and stay within our scope. And stay away from the 01:04:59.330 --> 01:05:05.124 - reflex of trying to fix things for people. Our job is not to fix things for people. Instead, it's to 01:05:05.124 --> 01:05:10.918 - help create an environment where they can reflect and figure out what's right for them. The world is 01:05:10.918 --> 01:05:16.654 - way more complicated than we even can imagine. And so any time that I'm going to make an assumption 01:05:16.654 --> 01:05:22.448 - about what you need, I'm going to be wrong. Because sometimes I can't even find socks that match. So 01:05:22.448 --> 01:05:26.750 - how on earth would I know what's going to be best for you? There's no way. 01:05:27.650 --> 01:05:34.150 - We also want to make sure that in doing any work with folks unless we are a licensed clinician that 01:05:34.150 --> 01:05:41.235 - we're focused on the here and now on the present and implementing those skills. And I think that's something 01:05:41.235 --> 01:05:41.950 - that I've. 01:05:42.178 --> 01:05:49.556 - found that has been a challenge for family members that I work with now that have maybe gone to a different 01:05:49.556 --> 01:05:55.840 - style of support group and they feel really stuck in what has happened because they haven't 01:05:55.840 --> 01:06:02.262 - had an opportunity to recognize that what is happening right now is also important. So making 01:06:02.262 --> 01:06:04.926 - that adjustment. And then flexibility. 01:06:05.090 --> 01:06:12.468 - So even the schedule for today adjusted a little bit because life happens and we as facilitators need 01:06:12.468 --> 01:06:19.774 - to recognize we cannot control the group or the participants. We can guide, we can prepare, and then 01:06:19.774 --> 01:06:26.718 - we're going to adjust because that's what we want our group members to do with their loved one. 01:06:27.394 --> 01:06:33.678 - to ensure that there's fidelity to the model, and there's way more about this than the facilitator training, 01:06:33.678 --> 01:06:39.559 - but we want people to be able to share information and resources amongst each other, have empathy and 01:06:39.559 --> 01:06:45.728 - support for each other within the group, that way they can practice that with their loved one when they're 01:06:45.728 --> 01:06:51.839 - outside of group, and work together to implement the skills in their life, build that sense of community, 01:06:51.839 --> 01:06:57.374 - to enhance their coping and self-efficacy, to recognize that they are allowed to have their own 01:06:57.634 --> 01:07:03.506 - interests, their own hobbies, and it doesn't have to be specifically focused on supporting their loved 01:07:03.506 --> 01:07:09.377 - one, that they're less socially isolated because we're actively addressing that stigma, that they have 01:07:09.377 --> 01:07:15.135 - some joy and levity in life, and it doesn't mean that we don't care about our loved one, but it also 01:07:15.135 --> 01:07:21.349 - means that we care about ourselves, and that we are able to start to create and implement our own boundaries 01:07:21.349 --> 01:07:25.054 - to enhance our sense of safety and well-being within our family. 01:07:27.362 --> 01:07:35.463 - So, some things to think about in implementation. First is that if a person has access to mental health 01:07:35.463 --> 01:07:43.408 - resources through a community mental health center or a certified community behavioral health center, 01:07:43.408 --> 01:07:51.742 - Medicaid reimburses for family skills training without client present in an individual or a group setting. 01:07:52.386 --> 01:07:59.241 - Medicaid will also reimburse family members for transportation to and from appointments, which includes 01:07:59.241 --> 01:08:05.964 - skills. In addition to that, we have an opportunity to use our socio-ecological model and think about 01:08:05.964 --> 01:08:12.621 - how do we create networks within our community to connect people to the resources that they deserve? 01:08:12.621 --> 01:08:19.806 - Who are the service providers who are already working with families impacted by addiction? 65% of DCS family 01:08:20.098 --> 01:08:26.742 - involvement is due to substance use disorder in Indiana. So every one of those cases has at least one 01:08:26.742 --> 01:08:33.321 - impacted family member who could benefit from this because our goal is reunification, right? We have 01:08:33.321 --> 01:08:39.835 - entire drug courts or problem-solving courts whose whole caseload are people impacted by addiction. 01:08:39.835 --> 01:08:45.502 - We've got families who are available and needing that help. So we also know, you know, 01:08:45.666 --> 01:08:52.431 - School resource officers are oftentimes dealing with truancy cases, but when we actually look at what's 01:08:52.431 --> 01:08:59.066 - going on, there's chaos in the family, and addiction is oftentimes part of that. We've got people who 01:08:59.066 --> 01:09:05.637 - could benefit from support. So thinking at all those levels, getting outside of our typical box, and 01:09:05.637 --> 01:09:12.207 - thinking about how we can build intentional systems of connection. So that was a lot of information, 01:09:12.207 --> 01:09:15.134 - and this is something that I live every day. 01:09:15.266 --> 01:09:22.568 - But we have a couple minutes if you've got questions or thoughts. And then I have also got literature 01:09:22.568 --> 01:09:29.726 - up here if you want more information on my card. But any questions for the good of the group? Yeah. 01:09:53.570 --> 01:10:01.673 - So there are different types of boundaries. So there are rigid boundaries, there are permeable boundaries, 01:10:01.673 --> 01:10:09.398 - and then there are ones that are more moderate. And so boundaries, the key element that I see that is 01:10:09.398 --> 01:10:16.062 - a challenge in the folks that I work with is that there's an assumption that a boundary 01:10:16.162 --> 01:10:22.331 - is a consequence or a punishment, that because of your behavior, I've had to put this boundary in place. 01:10:22.331 --> 01:10:28.441 - Instead, if we're thinking about creating healthy relationships, a boundary says that I care about you, 01:10:28.441 --> 01:10:34.434 - I care about me, I want us to have a connection, and do that in a way that's safe and appropriate for 01:10:34.434 --> 01:10:40.486 - everybody. So there are different types of boundaries, and for some folks, you've gotta put that rigid 01:10:40.486 --> 01:10:42.366 - boundary, because they're gonna 01:10:42.530 --> 01:10:57.771 - emotional vampire, you know suck all the life out of you and that's okay and For other relationships, 01:10:57.771 --> 01:11:10.622 - they don't have to be that way Yes, and we cannot be all things for all people and so 01:11:10.754 --> 01:11:18.068 - That's really important when we are in a service provider role to keep ourselves in check because we're 01:11:18.068 --> 01:11:25.170 - here because we're empathetic, right? Otherwise we would not have driven, I wouldn't have driven two 01:11:25.170 --> 01:11:32.273 - hours to get here and do this work every day. So it's important for us to reality check that empathy 01:11:32.273 --> 01:11:38.110 - and recognize, am I taking that step forward with them or am I pulling them along? 01:11:38.210 --> 01:11:44.324 - And if I feel solely responsible for their well-being, I need to reality check that, because that's 01:11:44.324 --> 01:11:50.560 - not sustainable. But it's really easy to do. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And we've all had those moments, 01:11:50.560 --> 01:11:56.674 - and I know you have, where you walk into a home and you're like, if you would just do these things, 01:11:56.674 --> 01:12:02.910 - everything would be better, right? Because I want the kids to be happy and healthy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 01:12:23.330 --> 01:12:29.623 - Well, and here's the thing. It comes in building rapport before you even enter in any therapeutic work, 01:12:29.623 --> 01:12:36.037 - because you're clinical psych, right? Okay, so before you even enter in any clinical work, we're building 01:12:36.037 --> 01:12:42.087 - clear communication expectations and boundaries, and I'm making it clear that I'm on your page, I'm 01:12:42.087 --> 01:12:48.259 - on your timeline, this is your session, or this is your appointment, or whatever, and that I'm not an 01:12:48.259 --> 01:12:50.014 - adversary, that I'm an ally. 01:12:50.114 --> 01:12:57.524 - You are the driver and that totally changes those dynamics. Yeah. And then yes, sometimes anger comes 01:12:57.524 --> 01:13:04.789 - out, anger about the disease and so being able to validate. I would also be pissed if I was in this 01:13:04.789 --> 01:13:12.127 - situation like you. It makes so much sense that you're upset. Of course you want, of course I've had 01:13:12.127 --> 01:13:18.302 - those times where I love my person so much I just wanna hug him really tight, right? 01:13:18.946 --> 01:13:25.627 - or keep you in the house and make sure you don't go anywhere. So just to be able to validate those are 01:13:25.627 --> 01:13:32.309 - just normal experiences. Any other thoughts or questions? Well, part of my job is technical assistant. 01:13:32.309 --> 01:13:38.795 - So if there are any questions or thoughts that come up down the road, let me know. Otherwise, thank 01:13:38.795 --> 01:13:45.542 - you for sharing your part of your afternoon with me. And I think the rest of the group is going to come 01:13:45.542 --> 01:13:47.358 - in here to wrap up the day. 01:13:48.066 --> 01:13:53.854 - We're going back out there. Okay. Perfect. Well, thank you all so much.