- about this trip I took recently. I was driving through southern Indiana. The car started to act up.
- That's news. I pulled it into a small town garage. The fella said, it'll be a couple hours. So I started
- walking around the town. I came upon a small town library. In the back of the library, on a dusty old
- shelf with a bunch of books that nobody ever checks out, I found this.
- It's called the Book of Lost Pleasures. It's by a gentleman named Oscar Camden. It was written in 1937.
- Basically, the book is about the small benefits of living that Mr. Camden was worried were going to
- disappear with the change in tastes of progress. It's a nice little book. A very high percentage of
- the things he mentions in this book are really lovely things to do. And, unfortunately, a very high
- percentage of them have been forgotten.
- just faded away with time. As an example, he mentions having a cup of coffee brewed with eggshells after
- dinner with a nice piece of homemade blueberry pie. There are dozens of things like that in this book.
- Makes for a good summer reading. Here's one about sitting in front of a fireplace. Here's one about
- writing a letter to a friend you haven't seen in a year.
- As a little fella, my mom went to see a new movie at the now-defunct Strand Theater in Albany, New York.
- When she got home, I remember asking her how she liked it. It was a good movie, she said, but it was
- for adults. Presented with that forbidden fruit, it's amazing how it's taken me more than 20 years to
- see Ship of Fools. But sometimes, temptations are best left that way.
- Ship of Fools is one of those long dramatic epics with no real plot that was very common in the early
- to mid-1960s. If you've ever squirmed through Inside Daisy Clover or This Property is Condemned, you've
- got the idea. If you haven't, believe me, this is an idea you can get along fine without. These are
- the facts. Ship of Fools was based on a novel by Katherine Ann Porter.
- It's about a group of strangers who form various relationships while traveling across the ocean on a
- cruise ship. A lot like the love boat actually, only considerably less funny and much longer. In fact,
- at 149 minutes, it may be quicker to read the book. Ship of Fools was produced and directed by Stanley
- Kramer, who also made Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.
- I'm sure you know that was Spencer Tracy's last performance. Kramer must have specialized in swan songs.
- Ship of Fools was the last picture Vivian Lee ever made. I'm not trying to draw any implications here.
- Hell, just making a picture like this is enough weight for one life to carry. But like every film I've
- ever seen, Ship of Fools does have something to recommend. For instance, Henry Calvin's in it.
- He played Sergeant Garcia in the old Zaro TV series. He even has a few speaking parts. You know, Werner
- Klempner, Colonel Klink in Hogan's Heroes, he gets to sing and dance with Vivian Lee in this film. Hey,
- that's more than Clark Gable ever got out of Gone with the Wind. There's also one really great scene
- in the film. Wouldn't you know, it would have to do with baseball.
- could hit a curve ball on the outside corner. I beg your pardon? I never could hit a curve ball on the
- outside corner. That's very interesting. What does it mean? You wouldn't know if
- Now you're back. The bitcher, he's out there. He's winding up, and he turns her loose, and... Just as
- it gets to you, it dips down and away.
- No, you don't see. You don't see at all. You don't know what it's like to be out there, and the crowds
- yellin' for you to deliver. And they start talkin'. Pitchers, they talkin'. You can't hit a curveball
- on the outside corner. And from then on out, that's all you see is curveballs on the outside corner.
- So you've had your big chance.
- I can still hear my old man yelling at me from the stands even though he wasn't there. Big Will.
- A bum, just like me. I think you're being a bit harsh on yourself there, Teddy. A bum. You know, I travel a lot.
- My folks give me some money. Not much, but some. They are more comfortable when I'm not around. You
- know what I find? I find the most amusing things about people are their guilts that they drum up for
- themselves. For instance, I estimate that there must be at least 873 million people
- in the world who don't even know what a curveball on the outside corner is. That's why I think it's
- a bit excessive for you to think that you have muffed your whole life just because you couldn't hit
- it. Paddle or no paddle. Do you understand what I mean, Herr Denny?
- You know what I think? No. I think that you are a sod off intellectual.
- Well, bottom's up, Shorty. Jack Spratt could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean. This sort of situation
- is very seldom seen. But I did a bit of research and now the secret's out. One had hypoglycemia, the
- other had the gout. Well, I'd like to have my neighbor join me. This is Jim Mannion playing percussion
- for me. This next song we're gonna do is a song I wrote about Mr. Greenjeans. He passed away
- I guess a little over a year ago. And it wasn't until I saw the videotapes of him on television that
- I realized just how much he had meant to me. He was a big part of my childhood. He was like somebody
- that was always there that you could depend on. So this is called Slowly Missing You.
- Why does it have to be so different from my childhood? If these old houses could talk, I know they would.
- Are they keeping time? Mr. Green James died today. Dancing bears danced away. The captain is out searching
- for his crew. Sunny simple chartered day.
- trying to catch the fish with
- over and run around to get the next fellow. Well, we always played 80 over when we went in the country.
- And I don't know the ball. I thought we have a road, just play a little ball. I never was much of a
- ball player. I did like to play 80 over though, but I never was much of a ball player. Oh, I will tell
- you. I could do pretty good if it's on the ground, but I didn't want to play all the time.
- I went to the eighth grade and I quit there. Dale Hughes was my last school teacher. He was a one-armed
- man. Had his arm cut off? No, but his right arm. His arm was cut off right there. And I know I used
- to have to write on the blackboard part because, you see, I had that left arm and he wasn't a very good
- writer and I was a pretty good writer and I got to write his questions up there.
- But I never forgot that. Man, I learned more in the history that way than I ever learned in my life.
- Just like my own questions. Nah, don't worry. I'm not gonna make you watch Ship of Fools. Actually,
- this is an exceptional film. Even Stanley Kramer would tell you that. Great actor, great director. Shortest
- title in film history. M. Starring Peter Lorre.
- the clean.
- President, what in the world do you see for a number of years? So it was a fact. I mean, it's good.
- I mean, it's good. I mean, it's good. I mean, it's good. I mean, it's good. It's good.
- The broken script of one of the other letters is, in its contemporary form,
- You know.
- foreign foreign foreign foreign
- But, gentlemen, gentlemen, you have to at least know what color the hat the little girl had that she
- wanted to show you this afternoon. Of course, Comrade! The hat was red! Comrade, the hat was green!
- The hat was red! The hat was green! Red! Green! Red! Green! Red! Green! Red! Green! Red! Green! Red!
- Green! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red!
- Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red!
- Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red!
- The police have... Yes, yes, yes, Mr. President, there is doubt that this is your duty. Your officials
- too, of course. But the result, please. The result! Mr. Minister, my people haven't slept 12 hours a
- week. There will be, for example,
- Behind a fence, in a bush, a small, white, wrinkled paper bag was found. Apparently, it used to be filled
- with cheap confectionery. On the outer surface, there are still tiny splinters of ruby and some little
- holes of colorful sprinkles. We have in a radius of two kilometers, in every confectionery,
- the smallest of colonial goods shops in the history of this physical Porsche. Otherwise, every day we
- expand the driving area. But of course, no one can remember after such a long time that a trace could
- be traced. Despite all these negative results, we are forced
- to continue to research, to continue to erupt, always into the unknown, first of all without a view
- to a single people who could bring us to the goal just by one step. Our people are almost useless with
- this question. For the police, Mr. President, I know that you are not proud of it, but with that we
- can get the facts out of the world that an unknown murderer terrorized four and a half million people
- and that the police
- research has shown the lowest result so far, just as little as the all-night rations in the distribution quarter.
- But he wasn't among them. The best men in Berlin are like that. They've been looking for him for six
- years. But they can't catch him. Too many dogs are dead.
- that all the leaders of the ring organizations are guilty. I assume that you are fully aware of the
- explanations for your organizations. Good. We don't need to stay long at the front line. We all know
- why we are here. An outsider defamed us, the business and the aid. The measures of the police. The daily
- plan with the rations for the arrest of child murderers.
- It doesn't matter anymore that we are safe in no hotel, in no cafe, in no concert cafe and in no private
- apartment anymore from an attack by the criminal police. Very right. Bravo! This situation must come
- to an end. We have to get back the order of the hostages, otherwise we will suffer. The forces of our
- organization are the most vulnerable. If we don't get the support for the women and our colleagues
- I don't know where we can get the money we need for the preparation and execution of our plans. Besides,
- the police are looking for the murderer in our district. Gentlemen, if I tell you about my job as a
- criminal, you'll know which is the right one. And I know it too. If someone goes to jail for this job,
- fine. But between the criminal police looking for us, there's a big gap.
- My dear gentlemen, our members must be able to follow their laws in peace again, without being permanently
- disturbed by the overriding nervousness of the criminal police. Please...
- My Lord. Accuracy of the traffic control. The whole city is going through. Thank you. Always a new one.
- Always a sharper one. Please. Please listen. We have to make the police understand that the police are
- here. The women don't have to do anything to the bulls anymore. They ran away from us, just because
- the man who slept with them took the polenta with him. Now you should always give the polenta to us.
- Every owner of an apartment, every housekeeper, every one who has a foundation, must be obligated to
- follow an embarrassing, thorough search of his presence, following the tracks of the world. Listen to
- the work of the public. If I just think about it, I'll get a cold cut. Mr. President, I'm sorry, but...
- I don't know if it's true. To hell with it. What have we had so far from the public? Mountains of letters
- with the most ridiculous slander. Very right. Alarm of the murder commission. They call it John-Stein-Pegel
- when you get up. Really? But if you really want to get rid of the people who are reasonable, then you
- suddenly have nothing left. Then you can't think of anything else. The public.
- What do you think? I think you're exaggerating, Mr. Lohmann. You're afraid that he won't be here,
- aren't you? Yes, yes, Mr. President. The greatness of the public still stands at this point today. What
- does that have to do with me? That every single person is responsible for his conscience, what's going
- on with the poorest, strangest child on the street?
- But the big mess hasn't gone away yet. Every square meter has to be under control. No child is allowed
- to take a step outside the city. But how?
- There must be people who can come anywhere without being caught. Who can follow everyone on the street
- without being caught. Who can follow every child in every house without being caught. With one word,
- people who can catch the murderer without being caught. Who? Who? But there are no such people. Who
- can do that? Who? Who? The beggars. The organization of the beggars.
- There may be another way. There is no doubt that the person who comes to mind about this person has
- some kind of an interest in this person. He is certain that he has already been in touch with the authorities
- once as a very powerful person. All care facilities, prisons, nerve clinics and mental facilities
- especially about the people we have to get an explanation, who were released as harmless, who could
- be identical with the murderer according to their entire arrangement.
- story worthy of Peter Laurie, perhaps because it involves him. The hillside strangler who terrorized
- Los Angeles some years back used to pose as a police officer to lure young women into his car. One night,
- cruising the Sunset Strip, he targeted a potential victim. When he asked for her ID, his standards set
- up, he found a picture in the woman's wallet of a little girl and Peter Laurie.
- Turns out this woman was Peter Laurie's daughter. We know this story for only one reason. The hillside
- strangler decided to let this victim go because he admired Laurie as an actor. The moral? Walk slow,
- breathe deep, and treat yourself real good.