about this trip I took recently. I was driving through southern Indiana. The car started to act up.
That's news. I pulled it into a small town garage. The fella said, it'll be a couple hours. So I started
walking around the town. I came upon a small town library. In the back of the library, on a dusty old
shelf with a bunch of books that nobody ever checks out, I found this.
It's called the Book of Lost Pleasures. It's by a gentleman named Oscar Camden. It was written in 1937.
Basically, the book is about the small benefits of living that Mr. Camden was worried were going to
disappear with the change in tastes of progress. It's a nice little book. A very high percentage of
the things he mentions in this book are really lovely things to do. And, unfortunately, a very high
percentage of them have been forgotten.
just faded away with time. As an example, he mentions having a cup of coffee brewed with eggshells after
dinner with a nice piece of homemade blueberry pie. There are dozens of things like that in this book.
Makes for a good summer reading. Here's one about sitting in front of a fireplace. Here's one about
writing a letter to a friend you haven't seen in a year.
As a little fella, my mom went to see a new movie at the now-defunct Strand Theater in Albany, New York.
When she got home, I remember asking her how she liked it. It was a good movie, she said, but it was
for adults. Presented with that forbidden fruit, it's amazing how it's taken me more than 20 years to
see Ship of Fools. But sometimes, temptations are best left that way.
Ship of Fools is one of those long dramatic epics with no real plot that was very common in the early
to mid-1960s. If you've ever squirmed through Inside Daisy Clover or This Property is Condemned, you've
got the idea. If you haven't, believe me, this is an idea you can get along fine without. These are
the facts. Ship of Fools was based on a novel by Katherine Ann Porter.
It's about a group of strangers who form various relationships while traveling across the ocean on a
cruise ship. A lot like the love boat actually, only considerably less funny and much longer. In fact,
at 149 minutes, it may be quicker to read the book. Ship of Fools was produced and directed by Stanley
Kramer, who also made Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.
I'm sure you know that was Spencer Tracy's last performance. Kramer must have specialized in swan songs.
Ship of Fools was the last picture Vivian Lee ever made. I'm not trying to draw any implications here.
Hell, just making a picture like this is enough weight for one life to carry. But like every film I've
ever seen, Ship of Fools does have something to recommend. For instance, Henry Calvin's in it.
He played Sergeant Garcia in the old Zaro TV series. He even has a few speaking parts. You know, Werner
Klempner, Colonel Klink in Hogan's Heroes, he gets to sing and dance with Vivian Lee in this film. Hey,
that's more than Clark Gable ever got out of Gone with the Wind. There's also one really great scene
in the film. Wouldn't you know, it would have to do with baseball.
could hit a curve ball on the outside corner. I beg your pardon? I never could hit a curve ball on the
outside corner. That's very interesting. What does it mean? You wouldn't know if
Now you're back. The bitcher, he's out there. He's winding up, and he turns her loose, and... Just as
it gets to you, it dips down and away.
No, you don't see. You don't see at all. You don't know what it's like to be out there, and the crowds
yellin' for you to deliver. And they start talkin'. Pitchers, they talkin'. You can't hit a curveball
on the outside corner. And from then on out, that's all you see is curveballs on the outside corner.
So you've had your big chance.
I can still hear my old man yelling at me from the stands even though he wasn't there. Big Will.
A bum, just like me. I think you're being a bit harsh on yourself there, Teddy. A bum. You know, I travel a lot.
My folks give me some money. Not much, but some. They are more comfortable when I'm not around. You
know what I find? I find the most amusing things about people are their guilts that they drum up for
themselves. For instance, I estimate that there must be at least 873 million people
in the world who don't even know what a curveball on the outside corner is. That's why I think it's
a bit excessive for you to think that you have muffed your whole life just because you couldn't hit
it. Paddle or no paddle. Do you understand what I mean, Herr Denny?
You know what I think? No. I think that you are a sod off intellectual.
Well, bottom's up, Shorty. Jack Spratt could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean. This sort of situation
is very seldom seen. But I did a bit of research and now the secret's out. One had hypoglycemia, the
other had the gout. Well, I'd like to have my neighbor join me. This is Jim Mannion playing percussion
for me. This next song we're gonna do is a song I wrote about Mr. Greenjeans. He passed away
I guess a little over a year ago. And it wasn't until I saw the videotapes of him on television that
I realized just how much he had meant to me. He was a big part of my childhood. He was like somebody
that was always there that you could depend on. So this is called Slowly Missing You.
Why does it have to be so different from my childhood? If these old houses could talk, I know they would.
Are they keeping time? Mr. Green James died today. Dancing bears danced away. The captain is out searching
for his crew. Sunny simple chartered day.
trying to catch the fish with
over and run around to get the next fellow. Well, we always played 80 over when we went in the country.
And I don't know the ball. I thought we have a road, just play a little ball. I never was much of a
ball player. I did like to play 80 over though, but I never was much of a ball player. Oh, I will tell
you. I could do pretty good if it's on the ground, but I didn't want to play all the time.
I went to the eighth grade and I quit there. Dale Hughes was my last school teacher. He was a one-armed
man. Had his arm cut off? No, but his right arm. His arm was cut off right there. And I know I used
to have to write on the blackboard part because, you see, I had that left arm and he wasn't a very good
writer and I was a pretty good writer and I got to write his questions up there.
But I never forgot that. Man, I learned more in the history that way than I ever learned in my life.
Just like my own questions. Nah, don't worry. I'm not gonna make you watch Ship of Fools. Actually,
this is an exceptional film. Even Stanley Kramer would tell you that. Great actor, great director. Shortest
title in film history. M. Starring Peter Lorre.
the clean.
President, what in the world do you see for a number of years? So it was a fact. I mean, it's good.
I mean, it's good. I mean, it's good. I mean, it's good. I mean, it's good. It's good.
The broken script of one of the other letters is, in its contemporary form,
You know.
foreign foreign foreign foreign
But, gentlemen, gentlemen, you have to at least know what color the hat the little girl had that she
wanted to show you this afternoon. Of course, Comrade! The hat was red! Comrade, the hat was green!
The hat was red! The hat was green! Red! Green! Red! Green! Red! Green! Red! Green! Red! Green! Red!
Green! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red!
Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red!
Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red!
Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red!
The police have... Yes, yes, yes, Mr. President, there is doubt that this is your duty. Your officials
too, of course. But the result, please. The result! Mr. Minister, my people haven't slept 12 hours a
week. There will be, for example,
Behind a fence, in a bush, a small, white, wrinkled paper bag was found. Apparently, it used to be filled
with cheap confectionery. On the outer surface, there are still tiny splinters of ruby and some little
holes of colorful sprinkles. We have in a radius of two kilometers, in every confectionery,
the smallest of colonial goods shops in the history of this physical Porsche. Otherwise, every day we
expand the driving area. But of course, no one can remember after such a long time that a trace could
be traced. Despite all these negative results, we are forced
to continue to research, to continue to erupt, always into the unknown, first of all without a view
to a single people who could bring us to the goal just by one step. Our people are almost useless with
this question. For the police, Mr. President, I know that you are not proud of it, but with that we
can get the facts out of the world that an unknown murderer terrorized four and a half million people
and that the police
research has shown the lowest result so far, just as little as the all-night rations in the distribution quarter.
But he wasn't among them. The best men in Berlin are like that. They've been looking for him for six
years. But they can't catch him. Too many dogs are dead.
that all the leaders of the ring organizations are guilty. I assume that you are fully aware of the
explanations for your organizations. Good. We don't need to stay long at the front line. We all know
why we are here. An outsider defamed us, the business and the aid. The measures of the police. The daily
plan with the rations for the arrest of child murderers.
It doesn't matter anymore that we are safe in no hotel, in no cafe, in no concert cafe and in no private
apartment anymore from an attack by the criminal police. Very right. Bravo! This situation must come
to an end. We have to get back the order of the hostages, otherwise we will suffer. The forces of our
organization are the most vulnerable. If we don't get the support for the women and our colleagues
I don't know where we can get the money we need for the preparation and execution of our plans. Besides,
the police are looking for the murderer in our district. Gentlemen, if I tell you about my job as a
criminal, you'll know which is the right one. And I know it too. If someone goes to jail for this job,
fine. But between the criminal police looking for us, there's a big gap.
My dear gentlemen, our members must be able to follow their laws in peace again, without being permanently
disturbed by the overriding nervousness of the criminal police. Please...
My Lord. Accuracy of the traffic control. The whole city is going through. Thank you. Always a new one.
Always a sharper one. Please. Please listen. We have to make the police understand that the police are
here. The women don't have to do anything to the bulls anymore. They ran away from us, just because
the man who slept with them took the polenta with him. Now you should always give the polenta to us.
Every owner of an apartment, every housekeeper, every one who has a foundation, must be obligated to
follow an embarrassing, thorough search of his presence, following the tracks of the world. Listen to
the work of the public. If I just think about it, I'll get a cold cut. Mr. President, I'm sorry, but...
I don't know if it's true. To hell with it. What have we had so far from the public? Mountains of letters
with the most ridiculous slander. Very right. Alarm of the murder commission. They call it John-Stein-Pegel
when you get up. Really? But if you really want to get rid of the people who are reasonable, then you
suddenly have nothing left. Then you can't think of anything else. The public.
What do you think? I think you're exaggerating, Mr. Lohmann. You're afraid that he won't be here,
aren't you? Yes, yes, Mr. President. The greatness of the public still stands at this point today. What
does that have to do with me? That every single person is responsible for his conscience, what's going
on with the poorest, strangest child on the street?
But the big mess hasn't gone away yet. Every square meter has to be under control. No child is allowed
to take a step outside the city. But how?
There must be people who can come anywhere without being caught. Who can follow everyone on the street
without being caught. Who can follow every child in every house without being caught. With one word,
people who can catch the murderer without being caught. Who? Who? But there are no such people. Who
can do that? Who? Who? The beggars. The organization of the beggars.
There may be another way. There is no doubt that the person who comes to mind about this person has
some kind of an interest in this person. He is certain that he has already been in touch with the authorities
once as a very powerful person. All care facilities, prisons, nerve clinics and mental facilities
especially about the people we have to get an explanation, who were released as harmless, who could
be identical with the murderer according to their entire arrangement.
story worthy of Peter Laurie, perhaps because it involves him. The hillside strangler who terrorized
Los Angeles some years back used to pose as a police officer to lure young women into his car. One night,
cruising the Sunset Strip, he targeted a potential victim. When he asked for her ID, his standards set
up, he found a picture in the woman's wallet of a little girl and Peter Laurie.
Turns out this woman was Peter Laurie's daughter. We know this story for only one reason. The hillside
strangler decided to let this victim go because he admired Laurie as an actor. The moral? Walk slow,
breathe deep, and treat yourself real good.